Humor

With malice toward none and charity…FOR US

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Here are the Confederacy of Drones 2017 New Year’s Resolutions.

resolution

Political field guide

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accessories

Focus on Islam

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Mecca

Hillary’s Emails FOUND!

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Emails2

Following endless searches by the best IT professionals that the Confederacy of Drones could find, the lost trove of emails, thought long ago wiped by Hillary Clinton, have emerged.  The exclusive content is right here.  Enjoy

From:  Hillary@foiledFOIA.com

To: Big$Pack@sold!.com

RE: IT Services Request

Dear BP,

Again, we have no interest in giving referrals for IT folks!

Don’t contact again.

Hill

 

From:  Hillary@foiledFOIA.com

To: cstevens@state.dept.gov

Draperies?

Got your request for embassy security upgrades.  Thinking white drapes with a few nice splashes of pink.  It’s a very calming color.

Luv,

Hill

 

From:  Hillary@foiledFOIA.com

To: FeelTheBern.finally@bern

Election Chances

Dear Schmuck,

At this point, what difference does it make?

Hill

 

From:  Hillary@foiledFOIA.com

To: NCLegislature@NC.com

Bathroom Choices

Dear Sirs,

It’s was a PANTSUIT!

Hill

 

From:  Hillary@foiledFOIA.com

To:  LISTSERV.WallStreet@gmail.com

Thanks Millions

If you thought Barry was going to flexible with Vlad, you haven’t seen anything yet.  Hang in there with me until after the election and I’ll show you Cirque du Soleil meets the Mustang Ranch flexible.

Luv to all my WS buds.

XOXO,

Hill

 

From:  Hillary@foiledFOIA.com

To:  sultan@oman.org

RE: Clinton Foundation Receipts

My dearest Sultan,

Thanks for the donation of $3,000,000 for the Clinton Foundation.  I was a little surprised that there was postage due though.  Please remit an additional 0.27 cents in the form of check or money order.  Political favors don’t grow on trees, you know.

With deepest bow,

Hill

 

From:  Hillary@foiledFOIA.com

To:  princebajuel@nigeria.palace.com

RE: Nigerian Request for Urgent Business Relationship

Dear Prince Bajuel:

You’re email was an unexpected surprise.   Yes, I would very much be interested in handling Nigerian money that you are having difficulty moving from your country, for a fee as you suggested.  And yes, I have ways of keeping this confidential.

Please send information as soon as possible.

Yours,

Hill

 

From:  Hillary@foiledFOIA.com

To: EntitledBrats@scared.com

My Dearest EBrats,

Give me a little room then afterwards we can hit the reset. Safe spaces and microagression enforcement will BE the Hillary presidency.

Here to coddle,

Grandma Hill

Alternative movie projects for Will Ferrell

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Farrell no beard

Now that Will Ferrell has given up on his movie project featuring the hilarious high-jinks of Ronald Reagan during the Alzheimer’s years, we thought we’d offer up a few alternatives that will surely lead to thigh slapping and uncontrollable floor rolling.

  •   Follow Ghandi as his efforts to start the Eastern Chapter of Weight Watchers get uproariously mistaken for a political statement due to his all too effective diet.
  •   Little known correspondence between Hitler and FDR is revealed in this brilliant comedy as the Fuhrer promises Roosevelt free spa treatment for his legs including invigorating showers and deep-heating therapy.
  •   Return to JFK’s early life before Camelot as he works part-time selling convertibles.  “Your mind will be blown at how well anyone can scope you out as you cruise for attention” says Kennedy during one of many laugh-out-loud moments.
  •   The last few months of Steve Jobs life are chronicled in this bio pic, rom-com as the  entrepreneur searches for a cancer cure.  Hilarity ensues when he’s convinced that the proper treatment is peanut butter enemas.”
  •   Prepare to bust a gut as you watch the unsuspecting Stephen Hawking get his wheelchair hacked by two teenagers from Deerfield, Kansas.  Then follow the antics as these scamps control everything the brilliant scientists says and does.  The comedy gets even sharper as a cult-like following of the theoretical physicist develops.

If those won’t work for Mr. Ferrell – even though we’ve practically provided concise plot lines with only a few blanks left to fill in – here are other well know people along with traits he may be able to mine for comedic gold.

Ferrell table

 

Springsteen sings the bathroom choice blues

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BruceUSA

Sung to the tune of Born in the USA

Got in a bathroom jam.
Cancelled out on Greensboro, man.
North Carolina’s like a foreign land.
Said, “you gotta pee in the proper can.

 

Need the girls room to do my business in.
Want to have my own GYN.
Doc doesn’t realize that I am The Boss.
All he says is “turn your head and cough.

 
Gettin’ attention in the media.
The rest of you have a phobia.

Gotta love that CNN.
Said “go ahead, change your name to Gwen.

 
Born in the USA, with the wrong gen-italia.
Can stand up to piss and all they say is “duh.

I’m willin to be born different from men.
Willin to be born, ‘cept born again.

 

Born in the USA, with the wrong gen-italia.
I have wrong gen-italia, wrong gen-italia.

Election perspectives

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Elections

Quite a contrast between Iraq elections of a decade ago and those today in America.

Who’s responsible for the rise of Trump?

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Reason for Trump

Donald Trump is storming through the Republican primary to the surprise of just about everyone.  It seems as though the worse the behavior, the bigger the following.  We discussed this in an earlier post so we won’t replay that here.

But who’s to blame for Trump’s rise?

If you look at recent editorial cartoons, Frankenstein’s monster is the latest metaphor used to explain it.  Just check out the examples below.  The Republican establishment and Fox News appear to be popular.  But we think there’s a simpler explanation.

Mike Luckovich

The best explanation is to look no further than Obama.  A huge segment of the population isn’t pleased with the direction this country has been taken.  It’s not just the policies, it’s Obama’s childlike qualities, and we don’t mean an honest, doe-eyed innocence.  We’re speaking of his callow actions as he attempts to build a legacy.  A legacy that has more in common with a petulant toddler than the leader of the free world.  Check out this ever expanding list:

Childlike

 

Voter’s want something the opposite of what we currently have.  Unfortunately with the pendulum having swung so far in one direction, the kinetic energy during it’s reverse course will swing us too far along an about-faced bearing.  Trump is the anti-Obama, but not in a good way.

 

The haunting of Hillary

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Ghosts with captionHillary’s quick to point out the amount of experience she brings to this campaign.  To go along with that self-identified worldliness there’s an expectation that all she has to do is have her name on primary ballots and it’s a mere formality to get from there to her coronation.  That experience left a legacy of trampled bodies and issues on her way to her crowning.

Trustworthiness:  Bernie Sanders 91%,  Hillary Clinton 5%

The good news is that the voters are starting to catch on.  During the New Hampshire polling it was identified that Hillary’s trustworthiness was shockingly low compared to Bernie Sanders.  From the NY Times, voters who care about honesty in a candidate said that Bernie carries the trust factor by a whopping 91% compared to Hillary’s 5%.  5%!?  We’d be willing to go out on a limb and say that at least 5% of people think the moon’s made of green cheese and Elvis is there right now, living out his retirement years.

Some might call Hillary’s current troubles another example of chickens coming home to roost, but that only brings back unpleasant memories of Reverend Wright disparaging America.  Instead, let’s just say that New Hampshire was Hillary’s fright night filled with ghosts of transgressions-past.

So Hillary and Bill, with your campaign faltering due to ghosts from your power hungry ambitions …. who you gonna call?

Better decision making through coin flips

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Hope for Change

This President has a unique track record.  He says ISIS isn’t a threat, then on that very day they attack Paris.  Next he mocks Republicans by saying they’re afraid of women and orphans, then a deadly terrorist attack in California involving a woman.

We really shouldn’t think of orphans as a problem, but now we’re not so sure.