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In a bold move, Robert Mueller expanded his investigative and law enforcement powers to include the authority to read facial expressions and assess fashion statements.
Seeing the potential end to the current Russian collusion investigation, that so far has netted only post-election process violations having nothing to do with collusion, Mueller expanded his powers to include mental telepathy. Mueller explained that it was the next obvious step in the evolution of his authoritarian powers. “I’ve been given so much free reign in these investigations that sixth sense was the only possible new power to be exploited” said Mueller as he attended his weekly back-rub from CNN executives. He added that “fashion police authority was just a bonus.”
Combining telepathic knowledge of what a smirk really means with the poor fashion choice of MAGA hats put the unfortunate Convington Catholic High School students square in his cross hairs … and indictment writing pen.
In response to a reporter who accidentally asked Mueller a hard question about legal aspects of fashion indictments, the Special Counsel lead investigator replied, “And your Social Security number is what?”
We’re sorry to see the demise of The Weekly Standard. It’s been a part of our routine reading material for several years.
ABC News, in their struggle to find something bad to say about the latest Supreme Court nominee, could only come up with “his carefully constructed life.” The article though goes on to help us understand how that’s bad.
Saying his life has been “carefully constructed.” Sounds like his whole persona is just one manipulated step after another. Apparently Kavanaugh is either a well managed and scripted Westworld robot or he’s straight out of the husband version of the Stepford Wives.”
They then delve deep into his character. Check out these actual quotes from the article:
“He checks all the boxes.” Sounds cold and calculating. In fact we recall a story about his grade school days when he used a number 3 pencil instead of the required 2. After turning himself in, he told the teacher that he’d “do anything to stay on track to be a Supreme Court justice … anything.”
“… a country where politics have become poisonously tribal, Kavanaugh has tried to cover his bases.” They came close to saying “cover-up.” They probably wished they could have slipped “collusion” in there as well.
“Amateur athlete.” Hrumph, amateur.
“The only skeleton in Kavanaugh’s closet … he’s American as apple pie.” Anything associated with America optimism is a damning blow.
“Because Republicans are not releasing critical documents for the Senate hearings that begin Tuesday, it remains to be seen if anything else is rattling around.” Critical documents? The 300 judicial opinions aren’t enough to determine what his judicial thoughts, practices and fairness would be … as a judge? Or the more than half a million pages of Kavanaugh documents that have already been provided.
It repeats Schumer’s statement calling him a “partisan political foot soldier.” We’re picturing a mercenary with face paint and a bullet stuffed bandoleer draped over his shoulder.
It closes with “Kavanaugh represents Donald Trumps hopes… One question from the senators will be… how far the apple fell from the tree.” We’re a little disappointed here. They could have taken the apple analogy much further.
- Will this be another conservative bad apple on the Supreme Court?
- What worms will be discovered after it’s too late?
- He might be American as apple pie, but is that pie rotten to the core?
- Will this apple today keep liberal policies away?
- If he’s American as apple pie, isn’t the apple forbidden fruit?
The Democrat Senators are aflutter on how to unnerve and trip up this nominee. You could say he’s the apple of their eye, since fury has them seeing red.
We noted previously how trust in the Catholic Church may beginning to crumble. Thanks to Twitchy for pointing out the New York Times’ effort to shift blame and also for finding other Times’ coverage of the pope (as in CYA coverage) was amped up to 11.
Here’s the first headline where the Times somehow figured out how to throw conservatives under the bus while covering for the Vatican.
Nothing to see here except those darn Republicans trying to make a mountain out of a mountain.
Then along comes another article just to make sure we weren’t distracted by the blinding light of priests by the hundreds allegedly sexually assaulting boys.
Wow, just wow! Hide the women and children because…. conservatives are being critical of pedophilia.
Not to be outdone, Reuters decided they needed to get in to the act of defending the indefensible with this gem of a headline.
Along these same lines we thought we’d revisit moments in history and the headlines that likely appeared in the NYT’s back then.
Conservatives Block Helium Exports, The Hindenburg Forced to use Hydrogen Construction of Dallas Book Depository Funded by Conservative City Council Members Democrats Burn a Few Crosses While Republicans Wage War on Segregation Gun Owners Cause Increased Deaths During Undocumented Home Invasions Democrats Insist on Unlimited Abortion Freedoms While Republicans' Only Message is "Family Values" Conservative Cleaning Lady Forced MLK to Wait Outside Hotel Room Lack of Conservatives Willing to Fight Back on Three of the Four 9/11 Planes JonBenet Ramsey at Home During Evening of Abduction Working on US Constitution Homework Conservatives Refuse to Ban Knives Did OJ Buy One? Asteroid Aiming for Earth T-Rex Building Wall to Keep Undocumented Raptors out of Cave