Trump has so angered the Democrats that the DNC held an emergency meeting on Wednesday to review possible changes to their by-laws which, surprisingly, have no mention of rats. Due to the group’s overwhelming sympathy for what Nancy Pelosi described as ground squirrels only dumber, a resolution was brought forward to change the Democrat mascot from donkey to rat.
A heated debate ensued when Representative Nadler pointed out that Trump frequently disparages penguins and that respect for all mammals should be included. Senator Mark Warner from Virginia reminded Nadler that a penguin is a bird… and that Trump was actually calling Nadler Batman’s nemesis, the Penguin.
Into the late evening went deliberations until the members realized that the by-laws currently do not even include the donkey as the current Democrat symbol. However, since “ass” is included, a compromise was proposed by Senator Bernie Sanders to include both as symbols. This was accepted overwhelmingly at which point Representative Ocasio-Cortez added the approved text into the by-laws using goat’s blood and sorcery.
The official symbol of the Democrat National Committee is now the rat’s ass. Editorial cartoonists across the country are scrambling to figure out what one looks like.
Congrats again to the four winners from our previous contest! They will receive their very own mug, to be shipped this weekend. Each mug is made from durable ceramic, beautifully designed and well balanced with an easy-to-grip handle so Hillary can hurl it across the room.
We’d love to give more away. How about a contest contest?
For the two best new contests you think we should run, we’ll award coffee mugs.
To get you thinking, here are some past posts that could have been turned into contest opportunities. Links are included.
- Buried surprises in Obamacare.
- Moments in history that can be blamed on conservatives.
- Opportunities to make competing industries advertise for each other.
- Courses that politicians took, that the rest of us missed.
- When breaking southern protocols deserves fines.
- New words and definitions appropriate based on current events.
- Ways to further ruin the NFL viewing experience.
Come up with your own idea for a contest that pokes at politicians, the media, celebrities or whatever’s making the news. Feel free to email us directly from the Contacts page with entries or questions. We’ll close this in one week, on Friday, 3/8.
We’ve finally gotten around to tallying up the award nomination categories and nominees that best sum up 2018.
You may recall that we came up with a few of our own early in December when we kicked off this event. Check back at the original post for the complete list. In the mean time, here were just a few:
- The Disappearing Statesman Award – Paul Ryan
- The Confused About The Meaning of the Word Journalist Award – Jim Acosta
- The Most Likely to get Lost on the DC Subway Award – Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
- A Lifetime Achievement Award (Sleazy Politics category) – Bill Clinton
Without further delay, the winning nomination categories and nominees for 2018….
The Making Public Service Work for your Financial Reward Award – Diane Feinstein [submitted by Norris Johnson]
The Best Cup of Coughy Award – Hillary Clinton [submitted by Michael Bradford]
The Most Classified Information Released without an Indictment – Hillary Clinton [submitted by Russell Abbott]
The Just Can’t Let it go Award (aka Bad Loser Award) – Hillary Clinton [submitted by Todd Coleman]
Unfortunately, Hillary couldn’t make it this evening due to a nasty tumble over an empty box of wine.
Those listed above who identified the award categories and selected winning nominees have, themselves, won some fabulous swag in the form of a limited edition Confederacy of Drones coffee mug! Stay tuned for future opportunities to win more stuff from your friends at COD.
A recent revelation involving the entire music industry places most musicians and music producers in jeopardy of being banned from all radio, TV and live performances. Confederacy of Drones, a snarky, unknown and frankly pitiful excuse for a website, uncovered grainy footage of a musical performance that could only be described as an astounding display of insensitive hate speech set to music.
These celebrities brazenly attempted to sing about a Christian event that falls unabashedly during the Happy Holiday Season.
Hidden away in an underground bunker, similar to Hitler, celebrities excitedly orchestrate an eerie sound of bells, bongos and a well rehearsed melody. We only discover upon careful listening that the song is about Christmas, God and praying. If you have the stomach and dare to listen carefully to the lyrics you’ll hear things like:
“But say a prayer, pray for the other ones”
“Well tonight thank God”
“Do they know it’s Christmastime at all?”
The dog whistles in this tune are more like trumpets drowning out the reason for the season: being away from work, fighting shoppers, getting even fatter and decorating the holiday tree.
Upon being confronted with his disregard for common decency, Boy George explained, “As a kid, I didn’t understand the power of certain words and how they can hurt.”
Kevin Spacey joined the world of the woke when he said, “At least I didn’t do that!”
Video of a Democrat gathering to protest Judge Kavanaugh’s hearing.
The Washington Post, never one to shy away from blaming Trump whenever possible, may have jumped the shark this week. Their editorial board has declared Trump complicit in hurricane Florence. Obama was more complicit in be-headings than Trump could possibly be in a hurricane.
If the Post is looking for other equally preposterous things for which Trump is deserving of blame, we offer the line-up below. Well, the Omarosa thing, yea, that one’s squarely at his feet.
- the 1969 Mets
- Woody Allen
- restrictor plates at Talledaga
- the classy love affair between Strzok and Page
- Gamecock Football
- the death of Frank Zappa
- 3-clasp bra hooks
- US heat wave of 1934
- dark stars
- poisonous mushrooms that look tasty
- the heartbreak of psoriasis
- cable TV going out last night in Buford, Wyoming
- Angela Merkel’s failed diets
- the broken bridge rail in Chappaquiddick
- the ice age
- Mario Van Peebles acting range
- rise of Nazi Germany
- fall of Nazi Germany
- Madonna and Abba
- JFK and Lee Harvey Oswald killings
- making most women secretly attracted to Melania
- Daylight Savings Time
- every girl that told Ted Cruz she just wanted to be friends
- English food
- San Fransisco sanitation
- Apollo 13
- cruising in the left lane
- Godfather III
- rationed airplane peanuts
- Hollywood movie recycling
- setting Millennial’s expectations too high with rise in middle class incomes and record number of jobs available
Our illustration above was too funny not to make a full cartoon out of it.