Humor

Alert: Suspicious package found in DC

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Entire music industry faces possible ban after shocking video surfaces

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A recent revelation involving the entire music industry places most musicians and music producers in jeopardy of being banned from all radio, TV and live performances. Confederacy of Drones, a snarky, unknown and frankly pitiful excuse for a website, uncovered grainy footage of a musical performance that could only be described as an astounding display of insensitive hate speech set to music.

These celebrities brazenly attempted to sing about a Christian event that falls unabashedly during the Happy Holiday Season.

fgert
Undercover photo of Bono, Paul McCartney and Freddie Mercury singing about God and Christmas.

Hidden away in an underground bunker, similar to Hitler, celebrities excitedly orchestrate an eerie sound of bells, bongos and a well rehearsed melody. We only discover upon careful listening that the song is about Christmas, God and praying. If you have the stomach and dare to listen carefully to the lyrics you’ll hear things like:

But say a prayer, pray for the other ones”

Well tonight thank God”

Do they know it’s Christmastime at all?”

Sting hiding his face
Sting hiding his face following the public release of damaging video

The dog whistles in this tune are more like trumpets drowning out the reason for the season: being away from work, fighting shoppers, getting even fatter and decorating the holiday tree.

Upon being confronted with his disregard for common decency, Boy George explained, “As a kid, I didn’t understand the power of certain words and how they can hurt.”

Kevin Spacey joined the world of the woke when he said, “At least I didn’t do that!”

And when it comes to Judge Kavanaugh, will we see any liberals think for themselves?

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Video of a Democrat gathering to protest Judge Kavanaugh’s hearing.

Life of Brian

Washington Post: Trump complicit in hurricane

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The Washington Post, never one to shy away from blaming Trump whenever possible, may have jumped the shark this week.  Their editorial board has declared Trump complicit in hurricane Florence.  Obama was more complicit in be-headings than Trump could possibly be in a hurricane.

If the Post is looking for other equally preposterous things for which Trump is deserving of blame, we offer the line-up below.  Well, the Omarosa thing, yea, that one’s squarely at his feet.

  • the 1969 Mets
  • Woody Allen
  • restrictor plates at Talledaga
  • the classy love affair between Strzok and Page
  • Gamecock Football
  • the death of Frank Zappa
  • 3-clasp bra hooks
  • US heat wave of 1934
  • dark stars
  • poisonous mushrooms that look tasty
  • the heartbreak of psoriasis
  • cable TV going out last night in Buford, Wyoming
  • Angela Merkel’s failed diets
  • the broken bridge rail in Chappaquiddick
  • the ice age
  • Mario Van Peebles acting range
  • rise of Nazi Germany
  • fall of Nazi Germany
  • Madonna and Abba
  • JFK and Lee Harvey Oswald killings
  • making most women secretly attracted to Melania
  • disco
  • Daylight Savings Time
  • every girl that told Ted Cruz she just wanted to be friends
  • riptides
  • English food
  • San Fransisco sanitation
  • prepubescence
  • Apollo 13
  • cruising in the left lane
  • Godfather III
  • rationed airplane peanuts
  • Omarosa
  • Hollywood movie recycling
  • setting Millennial’s expectations too high with rise in middle class incomes and record number of jobs available

Dammit Trump lr

Our illustration above was too funny not to make a full cartoon out of it.

Dammit Trump! lr 9-15-18

Big things happening in Helsinki

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Yuge

Baby Boomers’ guide to social media and communications

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You may think that us Baby Boomers are averse to social media interactions.  In reality, we’re quite active.  It just may not seem that way to millennials.   The likely reason behind that misconception is that BB’s spend time engaging is several socializing methods other than social media.   We know how terrifying face-to-face and voice communications can be, fortunately the BB’s overcame that fear at around the age of two.

So for the benefit of whippersnappers, here are some social media communication lessons for the younger generations who are willing to share the internets.

  • Speaking in emojis can get annoying.  We know sometimes it’s clever and funny but don’t get carried away.  Neanderthals wrote in emojis but they didn’t have an alphabet.  Don’t be a Neanderthal, use the alphabet.
  • We’re most likely to use Facebook than other social media platforms such as Twitter and Instagram.  They’re all the same, right?  Besides, our kids got us started on Facebook and it seems to work fine.
  • Text us if we need to see a message that day; email us for information that should be seen that week and, even though it’s very Mayberry, use an actual phone if you need an immediate response.
  • We purposely limit the amount of personal information on-line.  No one needs to know why you were compelled to go “Code Grey” at the DMV, details on your seaweed facial fiasco, or that public message to someone that really should have been a private conversation.
  • No one cares about your lunch so no need to post pictures.  Now if it’s moving, on fire or making noise, please post plenty of video.
  • If you have a desire to post pictures of Confederacy of Drones’ staff, we’ll need written permission, sample copies of the photo, a copy of your drivers license, your mother’s maiden name, and the make and model of your first car.
  • Arguing on social media is fine, in fact we encourage it.  Name calling, cussing, and typing in all caps, though, just wastes our time.  Remember, our generation goes outside occasionally and won’t spend their life on-line.  See “How do you like them apples.”
  • We don’t measure life in “likes” or the number of “friends.”  Speaking of friends,  we don’t think you know what that word really means.
Keep in mind that BB’s invented the computer and the internet.  You’re welcome.