Hillary
Before you play, know the rules
In politics, as in sports, it’s important to know the rules if you want to be successful. The angst felt by Hillary fans is currently sky high as they watch Donald Trump prepare to take the oath of office. What makes this doubly painful for them is that their candidate “won” … well, even though she didn’t. Perhaps if Hillary knew how the Electoral College worked she would have stepped at least one foot in Wisconsin.
Here are a few other surprise moments in politics, sports and life that may have caused the uninitiated to question how things could have turned so poorly despite their best efforts.
- Basketball – losing even though you made more baskets but forgot that free throws count only one point
- TV ratings – ending up at the bottom even though your programming is geared toward left handed transgenders under the age of 25
- Blocking traffic – getting run over even though you felt empowered
- Cyber Security – getting hacked by Russian spies even though you gave them a reset button
- Cyber Security II – giving your password to Russian spies even if your name is John Podesta and you were entrusted with managing a presidential campaign
- Presidency – having your scandals pointed out even though you declared your presidency scandal-free
- Chess – losing even though you have more pieces
- Overseas Contingency Operations – being labeled a war monger even though you proudly wear your Nobel Peace Prize medallion
Extended warranties and lies
When’s the last time you purchased an electronic device and while at the check-out counter you were asked if you’d like the extended coverage? “For an additional $50 you can insure your device for two years.” Like most people we pass on that extra expense. The logic goes like this: if I continue to forgo this cost, I’ll save enough over the history of my purchases to cover the eventual moment when the cat uses the laptop as a litterbox.
Lying can be just like that. How many lies perpetrated successfully make it worth the risk if you only get caught once or twice?
Telling the truth is like buying the extended warranty coverage. It may require an immediate price but it provides longer term assurance that it won’t cost you in a much bigger way later.
Every time Hillary opens her mouth she seems pre-programmed to lie. If caught it’s just a miss-remembered event, a concussion-induced memory lapse, a poorly worded answer, stupid people that didn’t understand her or a what-difference-at-this-point-does-it-make moment.
Perhaps Hillary should begin investing in integrity’s extended warranty program and become pathological at telling the truth.
Hillary to remain silent
Image Posted on Updated on
In light of her recent difficulties with factual statements, Hillary Clinton has offered up a unique debate format that’s sure to please her Democrat supporters. The Clinton camp has suggested that Hillary remain silent during the first Presidential debate between her and Donald Trump.
Appearing on this past Sun-day’s Face The Nation, a lower level operative in the Clinton campaign confirmed that the Democrat Presidential nominee has opted for the silent treatment. This was quickly applauded by the media. George Stephanopoulos noted that the approach allows for more hon-est-appearing news coverage. At a recent Clinton’s Righteously Inspired Media Elation (CRIME) rally the “Fourth Estate” unanimously applauded the bold move, with many noting that it was much easier to interpret an eye roll rather than an ambiguous statement like “I didn’t have classified material on my home server.”
“We’re much better at interpreting the vast intricacies of body language than we are at interpreting what’s meant through verbal communications”, stated Stephanopoulos following his shift as CRIME turd polisher.
This would appear to be a win-win strategy given the propensity of her opponent for being his own worst enemy. Inspired by the news, Trump immediately held a press conference and stated, “Bulieve me, it’’ll be great, it’ll be fantastic and I know about being fantastic. By the way, you’re welcome. It’s not everyone that can get Crooked Hillary to shut up.”
Confederacy of Drones received an exclusive preview of the debate format guidelines. Although Clinton will not actually speak, this table provides guidance on noises and body language allowed.
Politics everywhere.
The Confederacy of Drones is taking a short vacation. First stop is Seattle and it’s clear that there’s no escaping politics. They’ve even built a statue to Hillary’s baggage.
Hillary’s newly discovered lies
A few tongue-in-cheek Hillary lies that were recently uncovered.
“Actually, I was named after Hillary Duff.”
“Let me be clear, my vote on the 2002 Iraq Was was to not disallow the non-peaceful contrary efforts at un-destablizing pro-antimilitary action.”
Anytime she begins with “Let me be clear…”
“Truth be told, I was actually taking fire from an angry mob slinging baba ghanoush.”
Anytime she begins with “Truth be told…”
“I’m so pro-woman that I’m wearing a fat suit just to help me relate to body-conscious ladies.”
“Really, what happened was I thought ‘server’ meant personal butler.”
“I have a deep connection with the average working people of this great nation who are dead broke like me.”
“We will mercilessly defeat the energetic non-denominational radical extremists through a heightened plea for inter-faith calm and reconciliation.”
“Ha ha ha ha cackle snort snort cackle”
“I’m shocked.”
“If I like my email server, I can keep my email server.”
“We came, we saw, Gaddafi died. What’s the worst that can happen?
“I actually preferred a watch-your-step-or-I-might-unload-a-can-of-overseas-contingency-on-your-ass button instead of a reset button.”
“I really miss Vince Foster.”
Confederacy of Drones 