Democrats seem to be on a perpetual celebration of Festivus and it’s airing of grievances. The country’s been winning lately but those on the left see only defeat. Kavanaugh, Gorsuch, unemployment, a receding ISIS, North Korea, NAFTA, tax cuts, military, Iran deal, and for the first time in 10 years, your chances of being be-headed has been reduced.
But of course there’s also the bad, such as tweet storms, lying, and Omarosa. At least the media aren’t complicit in the lying. Emboldened journalists everywhere are more than eager to set Trump straight on his most flimsiest lies. “The greatest economy ever?! Ha! What about Dover, Delaware in 1877!? Now that was a great economy!”
It becomes quickly apparent that anything good for the country sets their version of grieving in motion. We bring you the Democrats’ stages of grief. And by “grief” we don’t mean things worthy of grief. We’re talking about circumstances that most everyone else would consider good news. But good news for the country means bad news for the Democrats. We’ll throw in the Presidential Emergency Alert only because many liberals balled themselves up into the fetal position because of the scary noise.
- Shock (that they’d have to tolerate something that doesn’t fit their Utopia)
- Disbelief (that by being shocked the circumstance wasn’t immediately reversed)
- Melt Down (over having to demonstrate independence)
- Tantrum (when their every need isn’t being met by the government)
- Anger (to ensure everyone knows of the outrage)
- Evolution (of lies to counter sane people pointing out their flawed sensibilities)
- Mob (mentality because nothing gets people on your side like destruction)
- Shock (that destruction turned people against you)
- Disbelief (that their stages of grief haven’t worked)
- Melt Down (that they have to think for themselves)
- etc, etc, etc.
We should mention that at any one of these stages, liberals may be forced to make funny hats and silly costumes.
The goal post has been doing a lot of roaming lately. Almost as much as the attempted moves by the Democrats when Trump sent Hillary packing. “Oh, sure he won the electoral votes needed, but not the popular vote, the left-handed vote, and the number of voters who voted in the middle of the day vote.”
Here’s a quick run-down of the how the recent accusations have evolved.
We’re keeping our fingers crossed that he’s never ripped a tag off a mattress.
After a couple of weeks of Kavanaugh hearings, we’ve checked into a political detox center and are now being forced to watch more wholesome programming like A Clockwork Orange.
One thing we’ve concluded is that politicians must not travel the same educational path as the rest of use. We don’t recall ever seeing the classes listed below:
- Languages (or at least the one that uses the most words without saying anything)
- quid pro quo (and other Latin phrases that you don’t think the public understands)
- Advanced Shredder Operations
- Progressive Studies on Hypocrisy
- Hypocrisy Work-Study Program
- Leading-edge Hypocrisy for the Liberal Arts Student
- Selling to the Unwashed Masses
- Feigned Sanctimoniousness
- Unctuous Duplicity as a Dramatic Art
- Biology of Teeth Whitening
- Combating Bourgeois Arrogance
- Fighting Humility with Audacity
- Owning a $4 million house on a $100k salary
- Turning Charisma into a Theology
Video of a Democrat gathering to protest Judge Kavanaugh’s hearing.
The Washington Post, never one to shy away from blaming Trump whenever possible, may have jumped the shark this week. Their editorial board has declared Trump complicit in hurricane Florence. Obama was more complicit in be-headings than Trump could possibly be in a hurricane.
If the Post is looking for other equally preposterous things for which Trump is deserving of blame, we offer the line-up below. Well, the Omarosa thing, yea, that one’s squarely at his feet.
- the 1969 Mets
- Woody Allen
- restrictor plates at Talledaga
- the classy love affair between Strzok and Page
- Gamecock Football
- the death of Frank Zappa
- 3-clasp bra hooks
- US heat wave of 1934
- dark stars
- poisonous mushrooms that look tasty
- the heartbreak of psoriasis
- cable TV going out last night in Buford, Wyoming
- Angela Merkel’s failed diets
- the broken bridge rail in Chappaquiddick
- the ice age
- Mario Van Peebles acting range
- rise of Nazi Germany
- fall of Nazi Germany
- Madonna and Abba
- JFK and Lee Harvey Oswald killings
- making most women secretly attracted to Melania
- Daylight Savings Time
- every girl that told Ted Cruz she just wanted to be friends
- English food
- San Fransisco sanitation
- Apollo 13
- cruising in the left lane
- Godfather III
- rationed airplane peanuts
- Hollywood movie recycling
- setting Millennial’s expectations too high with rise in middle class incomes and record number of jobs available
Our illustration above was too funny not to make a full cartoon out of it.
Overheard in a Costco:
Cory Booker: I’ll be taking one of those meatball samples.
Employee: Help yourself.
Booker: I’ll be taking it no matter the consequences.
Employee: They’re for everyone. Go right ahead.
Booker: And I’m not paying for it!
Employee: No charge. Really.
Booker: I am Spartacus!!