A famous poet once said, “Step right up and win some crap.” We may be paraphrasing… or maybe it wasn’t a poet. Anyway, give us your thoughts and we’ll send you some crap.
Posted below are our tongue-in-cheek new year’s resolution suggestions for a few well known personalities. We’re now wondering who we missed and what their resolutions are are or should be. We’d love to hear your suggestions. Consider politicians, entertainers, eating contest champions, or those few who, justly or not, received their 15 minutes of fame in 2016. Everyone who submits gets a chicken scratching otherwise known as an original sketch, mailed directly to you. That’s right, art, guaranteed to be worth $0.47 … if the postage stamp wasn’t cancelled.
We left a lot of people off our list who are in dire need of some timely resolutions: James Comey, Anthony Weiner, Matt Stonie (moon pie eating champion), Beyonce, Brad Pitt or anyone in the Trump brood.
You can provide your thoughts directly in the comments section of the blog. Or just email your suggested resolutions to us at email@example.com.
Remember, humor counts – assuming anyone has a sense of humor left. We’ll collect suggestions until New Year’s Eve and then compile the best of the bunch.
Here are the Confederacy of Drones 2017 New Year’s Resolutions.
When’s the last time you purchased an electronic device and while at the check-out counter you were asked if you’d like the extended coverage? “For an additional $50 you can insure your device for two years.” Like most people we pass on that extra expense. The logic goes like this: if I continue to forgo this cost, I’ll save enough over the history of my purchases to cover the eventual moment when the cat uses the laptop as a litterbox.
Lying can be just like that. How many lies perpetrated successfully make it worth the risk if you only get caught once or twice?
Telling the truth is like buying the extended warranty coverage. It may require an immediate price but it provides longer term assurance that it won’t cost you in a much bigger way later.
Every time Hillary opens her mouth she seems pre-programmed to lie. If caught it’s just a miss-remembered event, a concussion-induced memory lapse, a poorly worded answer, stupid people that didn’t understand her or a what-difference-at-this-point-does-it-make moment.
Perhaps Hillary should begin investing in integrity’s extended warranty program and become pathological at telling the truth.