The intensity level of investigative journalism has just hit a new high, well at least compared to the previous eight years. Dreams of Watergate-like fame have returned for brave journalists across the country. They don’t need their own version of Deep Throat, although it would appear that the Trump administration is riddled with sources but without cool code names, just a quick trigger on their smart phones.
A great example is the recent energetic reporter who, gasp, caught Rick Perry reading the Drudge Report. No doubt the reporter snapped away hoping that he’d catch Secretary Perry pulling up a linked copy of Mein Kampf but apparently Drudge was the best, er worst, that it got. See for yourself, below.
The Drudge headline is a little blurry, likely due to the excited shaking as the reporter’s trembling hands held his phone. It actually reads “Great Again: +235,000.” Let’s give Perry a little credit though, he likely knew that surreptitiously browsing Drudge was the best way for positive news on job growth to get into the mainstream media’s coverage.
It’s too bad this hard hitting type of journalism is just now becoming an imposing force, otherwise perhaps a few these would have been reported.
Valerie Jarrett: Jihadi Weekly
Lois Lerner: Communist Manifesto
Erik Holder: humming the RAP classic “F**k tha Police” as he wanders the Justice Department halls
Barrack Obama: Nero Fiddling for Dummies
Nancy Pelosi: pamphlet for Witchcraft Spells of the Month Club
Hillary Clinton: Playboy
Our award-winning investigative journalism recently uncovered and infiltrated a secret society deep in the bowels of Washington DC. What we originally thought was a book signing for “Bringing Back the Best of Bolshevism”, was actually a group dedicated to gumming up the works within the Trump administration. As we approached the door to the new home of Barrack H. Obama, it was clear that we were out of place in this palatial $6 million residence. Despite our trepidation we proceeded to knock. As a pair of eyes peered through a slot in the door, a voice said, “password please.” With the fortunate guess of “Workers of the world unite” a series of clicks and chain rattles proceeded and, bingo, we were in.
What followed was an embarrassing mix of chants, animal sacrifices, and party games like “pin the blame on the elephant.” The evening culminated with the chair of the Shenanigan Committee, Valerie Jarrett, statusing their 87 page checklist for disrupting the Trump administration. Provided below is a photo of one page of that plan captured while attendees were busy practicing their nose-up-eyes-closed-look-of-disdain sneer.
Our reporting would be incomplete if we didn’t mention the best part of the evening, an amazing spread of comfort food provided by Michelle Obama, including chicken wings, fried cheese curds, little chocolate doughnuts, mugs of warm gravy and Lipitor.
If you listened, watched or attended the recent CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) you’d likely come away with a sense of American pride, unity and focus. If you read the mainstream media’s account or even just their headlines, you’d get quite a different story. Not only can they not help but interject bias in the news, they seem unable to avoid its intrusion in headlines. This insinuated pessimism might make one think they were referring to the dysfunction within the DNC. But no, they’ve managed to suggest that a cohesive, patriotic event was actually an exercise in turmoil, angst and equivocation. Here are a few actual headlines as examples….
Given this tendency toward hate-filled cynicism, we thought we’d contribute a few examples for the fakestream media to consider if they’re really serious about misleading through headline bias….
Ivanka’s perfume made from the tears of social justice warriors
Bannon leaks news: Wash Monument to be moved to Mexican border as part of new wall
Misogynist CPAC has no representation from ugly women
Oval Office desk replaced with folding card table and bust of Hitler
Planned parenthood offices to be walled up and then closed by national guard units as part of training for the deportation Dreamers and people who like puppies
Metal detectors at CPAC just another symbol for a “wall”
Fed US govt to be moved from Wash DC to Kansas City, MO
WH planning a pamphlet describing best ways to disenfranchise the LBGTQRST-UVWXYZ community.
Not a single left handed, bi-sexual albino at CPAC
Melania a sex slave; Baron a highly intelligent robot
Minorities spotted at CPAC presumed to be named Tom, Uncle Tom
Gluton consumption rampant at CPAC
Racist Flag unfurled at CPAC during singing of Star Spangled Banner. Referred to as “Old Glory” an obvious trigger to the elderly
We know there are many Trump fans who appreciate his spontaneous tweets and the unfiltered stream of consciousness that flows from his smart phone to the masses, but it wouldn’t be a bad idea to occasionally reread a tweet before hitting send. Or maybe to one of his staffers he could say “is this tweet phrased clearly without unnecessary antagonism?” Now that would be presidential.