Like Nevada’s Chicken Ranch (which doesn’t sell chicken, wink wink), the New York Times is displaying flexibility that should be greatly appreciated by its customers. A recent Times front page headline “Trump Urges Unity vs. Racism” after Trump urged unity versus racism, caused the type of outrage we haven’t seen since Toys ‘R Us stopped selling Che Guevara action figures.
The outcry was so dramatic from several of the Democrat presidential candidates as well as members of Congress and others within the liberal elite that the Times was forced to take action and return to instilling opinion even on the front page, even in front page headlines and even in their motto “All the print bias that fits” or something like that.
Damage control was accomplished with a headline change to “Assailing Hate but not Guns”, distribution of Trump voodoo dolls during the annual elephant dismemberment ritual and sacrificing a Times intern. These noble actions, however, were met with some skepticism, but all is, apparently, forgiven. Their front row table at the annual White House Correspondence Dinner remains secure, for now.
Trump has so angered the Democrats that the DNC held an emergency meeting on Wednesday to review possible changes to their by-laws which, surprisingly, have no mention of rats. Due to the group’s overwhelming sympathy for what Nancy Pelosi described as ground squirrels only dumber, a resolution was brought forward to change the Democrat mascot from donkey to rat.
A heated debate ensued when Representative Nadler pointed out that Trump frequently disparages penguins and that respect for all mammals should be included. Senator Mark Warner from Virginia reminded Nadler that a penguin is a bird… and that Trump was actually calling Nadler Batman’s nemesis, the Penguin.
Into the late evening went deliberations until the members realized that the by-laws currently do not even include the donkey as the current Democrat symbol. However, since “ass” is included, a compromise was proposed by Senator Bernie Sanders to include both as symbols. This was accepted overwhelmingly at which point Representative Ocasio-Cortez added the approved text into the by-laws using goat’s blood and sorcery.
The official symbol of the Democrat National Committee is now the rat’s ass. Editorial cartoonists across the country are scrambling to figure out what one looks like.
Congress is on recess after completing the difficult job of budget posturing. Like San Francisco’s hope for fighting drug use with government supported drug use, our Congressman and Congresswomen recently developed their treatment plan for deficit spending,… more deficit spending. After all, it’s about safety. The safety of their Congressional seats.
Here’s the big list of things Congress would rather do than reduce the budget.
- Increase the budget
- And anything else