Like Nevada’s Chicken Ranch (which doesn’t sell chicken, wink wink), the New York Times is displaying flexibility that should be greatly appreciated by its customers. A recent Times front page headline “Trump Urges Unity vs. Racism” after Trump urged unity versus racism, caused the type of outrage we haven’t seen since Toys ‘R Us stopped selling Che Guevara action figures.
The outcry was so dramatic from several of the Democrat presidential candidates as well as members of Congress and others within the liberal elite that the Times was forced to take action and return to instilling opinion even on the front page, even in front page headlines and even in their motto “All the print bias that fits” or something like that.
Damage control was accomplished with a headline change to “Assailing Hate but not Guns”, distribution of Trump voodoo dolls during the annual elephant dismemberment ritual and sacrificing a Times intern. These noble actions, however, were met with some skepticism, but all is, apparently, forgiven. Their front row table at the annual White House Correspondence Dinner remains secure, for now.
The media’s in a fix. Good ol’ Uncle Joe, the 2020 savior of the Democrat party, has finally had his handiness catch up with him. Way way back before there ever was a #metoo movement, Joe was just a friendly close talking, hair sniffing, Joe-will-be-Joe kind of guy. That day was what, last Tuesday? Now just keep your hands in your pockets and only smell the hair growing uncontrollably out of your own nose.
Joe’s new problems wouldn’t exist if Al Franken hadn’t pretended to get handsy while goofing for the camera. Now the media are confused as to which side their on. Do they criticize Joe and contradict the elevated status Joe’s received from the Democrats up to this point or ignore the behavior ’cause that’s just Joe. If there wasn’t that ghost of Al Franken hovering over DC, the media would be drooling over Uncle Joe and his touching affection he shows for women and little girls. And we do mean touching.
Speaking of Franken. See this post from the era of Franken’s demise, as a reminder.
In a twist few saw coming, Donald Trump borrowed a page from Obama’s big binder of leading-from-behind strategies when the current President announced that the US was withdrawing from Syria.
When it was pointed out that it was Obama’s policy of ensuring at least one leadership vacuum at a time in the Middle-East, Trump counter-pointed that “Putin’s still there.”
But what about ISIS? They grew to fill the vacuum Obama left?
“Well ISIS is the main reason to leave”, Trump exclaimed. “I’ll get a really terrific bump when I defeat ’em again. It’ll be huge. Really terrific. A great bump.”
A recent revelation involving the entire music industry places most musicians and music producers in jeopardy of being banned from all radio, TV and live performances. Confederacy of Drones, a snarky, unknown and frankly pitiful excuse for a website, uncovered grainy footage of a musical performance that could only be described as an astounding display of insensitive hate speech set to music.
These celebrities brazenly attempted to sing about a Christian event that falls unabashedly during the Happy Holiday Season.
Hidden away in an underground bunker, similar to Hitler, celebrities excitedly orchestrate an eerie sound of bells, bongos and a well rehearsed melody. We only discover upon careful listening that the song is about Christmas, God and praying. If you have the stomach and dare to listen carefully to the lyrics you’ll hear things like:
“But say a prayer, pray for the other ones”
“Well tonight thank God”
“Do they know it’s Christmastime at all?”
The dog whistles in this tune are more like trumpets drowning out the reason for the season: being away from work, fighting shoppers, getting even fatter and decorating the holiday tree.
Upon being confronted with his disregard for common decency, Boy George explained, “As a kid, I didn’t understand the power of certain words and how they can hurt.”
Kevin Spacey joined the world of the woke when he said, “At least I didn’t do that!”
We’re sorry to see the demise of The Weekly Standard. It’s been a part of our routine reading material for several years.
Nominations are due for the 2018 awards to honor those throughout the year who distinguished themselves in a manner deserving of outward ridicule. The list of our nominees is extensive but not complete.
We’re looking for additional nominees in the categories listed, but would love to learn of other categories that highlight the uniqueness that was 2018. All participants will win some form of Confederacy of Drones swag delivered to their mailbox in discrete packaging. The quality of the swag will be dependent on the quality of the input. It will range from a small rock with Confederacy of Drones hand lettered to something even nicer.
Submit your nominations and suggested award categories to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Without further delay, here are the 2018 award categories and our (incomplete) list of nominees.
- The Disappearing Statesman Award – Paul Ryan
- The I’m Not Too Old for Politics Award – Nancy Pelosi
- The Tact Award – Donald Trump
- The My God This World Seems Upside Down Award – Antifa Movement
- The Comeback of the Year Award – Mitt Romney
- A Lifetime Achievement Award (Sleazy Politics category) – Bill Clinton
- The Confused About The Meaning of the Word Journalist Award – Jim Acosta
- The Remember When Religious Figures were Concerned With Religious Matters – Pope Francis
- The All Republicans Really are Racists Award – Michael Moore
- The Most Likely to get Lost on the DC Subway Award – Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
- The You Could Ruin A Wet Dream Award – Roseann Barr
- The Nero Fiddling Award – Jerry Brown