Here’s to local newspapers

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There’s an election?

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Apologies please

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goodwyn Comey Apology vlr 9-1-19

Comey expecting an apology after his integrity collapse was like John Wilkes Booth expecting Ford’s Theatre to apologize because the balcony was too high.  We scoured historical records to come up with the greatest examples of ego-driven apology requests, or at least those as we recalled them:

  • Hillary voters and their apology request from the pharmaceutical companies for not finding a cure for the embarrassing itch of TDS.
  • Harvey Weinstein’s request for an apology from Hollywood actresses for taking advantage of his connections.
  • Never-Trumpers need an apology from the DNC for putting up such a horrible presidential candidate to run against Trump.
  • Bill Clinton’s need for an apology from the U.S. House for his impeachment.  It was perjury.  It’s not like he was weaponizing the government against another candidate.
  • Hillary needs an apology from EVERYONE for ruining her presidential coronation.  Perhaps someday we’ll write a four part post in tabular form listing each of those who owe her an apology and the reasons why.
  • Jeffrey Epstein needs an apology from MADP (Mothers Against Drunk Perverts) for wanting chaperones on the Lolita Express.
  • U.S. Rep. Hank Johnson needs an apology from God for building Guam so it could tip over.
  • Obama needs an apology from Biden for running for president and helping to ruin BO’s legacy.
Finally, one apology we’d like to see is from the mainstream media for their relentless push for Russian collusion.  On that one, we apologize for not holding our breath.

Meet the next boogeyman – a recession

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A recession may well indeed be looming over the horizon… or maybe it isn’t… or maybe it is…  Or maybe whatever story we get from biased politicians and biased media will include deeply embedded exaggeration, hyperbole or down-right lies to the point of making it impossible to determine what’s reality.

One thing to know for certain, politicians like to scare us because there are only two things that scare them:

  1. Bad news for citizens while a politician is holding office
  2. Good news for citizens while a politician is trying to get into office

Which means

  • bad news is someone else’s good news
  • bad news gets the attention
  • politicians live on bad news

Ipso facto, expect to be told

“this is the most important election in our lifetime because a vote for the other candidate will lead to     (fill in the blank)      , all elderly being    (fill in the blank)    , the wholesale slaughter of      (fill in the blank)     and The Purge.” 

So the next time you hear that all polar bears will soon spontaneously combust or we’re being invaded by axe wielding maniacal border crossers, consider the source.

We have many more personal things to worry about like shirts that constrict at the armpit.  Don’t judge, it’s a thing, look it up.

NY Times: All the print bias that fits

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goodwyn Gray Lady vlr 8-13-19

Like Nevada’s Chicken Ranch (which doesn’t sell chicken, wink wink), the New York Times is displaying flexibility that should be greatly appreciated by its customers.  A recent Times front page headlineTrump Urges Unity vs. Racism” after Trump urged unity versus racism, caused the type of outrage we haven’t seen since Toys ‘R Us stopped selling Che Guevara action figures.  

The outcry was so dramatic from several of the Democrat presidential candidates as well as members of Congress and others within the liberal elite that the Times was forced to take action and return to instilling opinion even on the front page, even in front page headlines and even in their motto “All the print bias that fits” or something like that.

Damage control was accomplished with a headline change to “Assailing Hate but not Guns”, distribution of Trump voodoo dolls during the annual elephant dismemberment ritual and sacrificing a Times intern.  These noble actions, however, were met with some skepticism, but all is, apparently, forgiven.  Their front row table at the annual White House Correspondence Dinner remains secure, for now.