Getting carried away

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Hopeless headlines

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And just like that, Covid-19 becomes a pandemic and the Trump Derangement Syndrome media hates hope.  Forgotten are the melodic sounds of our media bootlicking Obama’s hope and change message.  A message that was about as intangible as the fourth estate’s objectiveness.

With Obama now a mere memory, all that’s left is the occasional Obama Netflix appearance and Beyonce’s recollections of the White House Annual Scoffing of the Commoner Festival.

In the familiar obsessive-girlfriend-gone-vengeful movie theme, Barrack is the adored love interest with the media playing the infatuated, awkward girl.  As he flees out the back door following almost a decade of thrills up the leg, without so much as a “thank-you ma’am”, in comes Donald Trump.

Three years into Trump’s first term, the world is introduced to Covid-19. Potentially the worst pandemic in our lifetime.  Trump’s the-only-thing-we-have-to-fear-is-fear-itself hopeful bravado unleashes the media’s fury not seen since Carrie’s high school prom, only messier. 

Trump is making the media mad because he is taking his message directly to the American people. Making it that much harder for the media to lie about that message.

Apparently hope against the Coronavirus, a known enemy having known consequences, is too discernable to be allowed.  From inner-party headquarters, aka the DNC, comes the unambiguous directive that news-speak will no longer allow the word or concept of “hope” (unless it’s the hope that can’t be measured and is best contemplated during a Woodstock acid trip).

The media must now unleash its greatest weapon, the headline.

Daily, headlines come across our newsfeeds that grab only a fraction of our attention which is otherwise occupied with America’s Worst Cooks and Enhanced Housewives of Silicon Valley.  That fraction, however, is enough to tattoo the underlying message to our subconscious.

With no expectation that their readership will actually read the article, the media feels free to message with the headline alone, as long as some of the words in the headline also appear in the accompanying article.

Here are a few headlines, followed by a more accurate description of the article’s text.

Hope-less From Vox on 3/24:

HeadlineArticle summary
“The Fox News moment that revealed a dangerously confused president”Trump would love to see the country return to a more normal way of life.

To be fair, the words “that” and “a” from Vox’s headline appear multiple times in the article.

Hope-less From Time Magazine on 3/24:

HeadlineArticle summary
“Arizona Man Dies After Taking Chemical in Coronavirus Treatment”Arizona man dies after swallowing fish tank cleaner

Time, a journalism magazine, didn’t even “journalism” to find out why he did that.

Hope-less From The New York Times on 3/23:

HeadlineArticle summary
“Trump has Given Unusual Leeway to Fauci, but Aides Say He’s Losing His Patience”President Trump Listens to and gets along well with Dr. Fauci, says Dr. Fauci

Finally, Abraham Zapruder’s 8mm film is no longer the most ever analyzed piece of video.

A recorded Coronavirus Task Force briefing now has that distinction.

The journalists at The Daily Mail reviewed this briefing to discover that Dr. Fauci may have smirked.  Stop the presses, it’s investigative reportin’ time.

With the latest in electron microscopy, The Daily Mail was able to confirm a facial expression revealing apparent disdain, disregard, dislike and utter disappointment in the President from the distinguished doctor. Is it not possible he found the President’s levity amusing?  Not according to the hope-less media.

Daily Mail’s 3/20 headline:

HeadlineArticle summary
“Dr. Anthony Fauci facepalms and rolls his eyes as President Trump rants about the ‘deep state’ during coronavirus press conference.”
Subheadline “Coronavirus Task Force doctor Anthony Fauci appeared to roll his eyes and smirk at President Trump during a press conference Friday.”
We all need a little humor. Dr. Fauci smiles at a joke Trump tells during a Coronavirus task force meeting. A joke which was actually quite amusing. 

FDR was half right, the only thing we have to fear is the media itself.

The many types of hand wringing

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The Chinese Solution

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Toilet paper and other insanity

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Life during the coronavirus can be tedious, dull and anxiety-provoking.  The cause, of course, is our new COVID-19 stay-at-home holiday and forced family time.  A holiday, by the way, without turkey, football, or tryptophan.  Luckily if you missed your emergency grocery shopping window, there’s still an endless supply of congealed cranberry-sauce-in-a-can.

Despite our new sequestered lifestyle, we should take smart actions to stop the vile pestilence known as the mainstream media.  Remember their motto:

If it bleeds, it leads.  If it sneezes, it teases.  If it swells, it sells.

To counter the pervasive hype, the world needs complete eradication of any illness that drives headlines.

To accomplish this here’s a handy list of do’s and don’ts when confronted with a communicable disease battle and accompanying hysteria.

  • Take a cue from Antifa’s foresight; masks can be effective at concealing your identity from Covid-19. That won’t protect you from the virus, but it might keep you from touching your face.
  • Unlike Antifa’s other strategy, we don’t recommend battering people to ensure they get a preventive hospital stay.
  • Finger sucking in public is discouraged. Joe Biden, I’m talking to you.
  • The grocery store’s cleaning aisle is NOT a pharmacy.
  • For proactive social distancing try these tips:
    • Print your own Wuhan souvenir t-shirts to wear in public.
    • Keep a cooler labeled “biohazard” with you at all times.
    • Wear a bodysuit with protruding cattle prods.
    • Dress like Pee-Wee Herman and randomly shout “I know you are, but what am I!”
    • Begin writing the book, “1001 uses for Toilet Paper.” It won’t stop a virus, but the book profits will overcome any 401K losses.
  • Pretend to see invisible children in your home and encourage your kids to become their friend.
  • Develop your own invisible friends.
  • How about a game night? Here are some suggestions:
    • Shoots and Daggers, Apocalypse Edition
    • Hide and Seek Solitaire
    • Daggers,
    • Hungry Hungry Microbes
    • Brandy Land
    • Risk, Pandemic Version
  • And finally, WASH YOUR HANDS.

1984 author George Orwell was wrong. The government doesn’t need frequent victories in endless wars to control its people. It just needs the media to find our perpetual enemies.