DC certainly loves parades. They have them for the
- Chinese New Year
- cherry blossoms
- Rolling Thunder,
- Independence Day
- Congressional Vacation parade (held quarterly)
- Dignitary-Drive-Through-Town-Blocking-Streets parade (daily)
- Disappointment-In-DC-Sports parade (cancelled this year :0)
But recently they’ve upped their game. The Disconnected-Politician Parade has been turned into an event that previously only occurred daily in the halls of the Rayburn, Longworth, Dirksen and other federal buildings occupied by our Congressmen and women. This year it’s on non-stop full display complete with the chutzpah to expect their adoring citizens to believe the hooey being emitted by our public “servants.” And also smells a little like swamp gas.
Consider this foolishness:
- Tax breaks are crumbs
- People secretly placed as human sources to gather information in Presidential campaigns are not spies
- The President can pardon himself
- Positive economic indicators are not positive economic indicators
- Contact with Russian sources by one party is called treason but when it’s done, and paid for, by another party its call opposition research
- Identifying death as an outcome of the government shutdown… and then voting for a government shutdown (Diane Feinstein)
- Encouraging resistance in the name of tolerance. Remember “If I were in high school, I’d take Trump behind the gym and beat the hell out of him.” (Joe Biden)
- Turning a special council investigation into a self-licking ice cream cone.
Down is up and up is down.
Hell’s freezing over, the pope’s pooping in the woods, and Kim Karadashian got a butt reduction. All of which can only mean one thing. Washington DC team has won a national championship!
Or Nancy Pelosi and Donald Trump had a love child.
The town of Aiken, South Carolina, coming off of its feature in Southern Living magazine as the South’s best small town of 2018 is taking their title seriously. So seriously that they’re tackling rogue garbage cans, the scourge of any self respecting city below the Mason-Dixon line, and handing out fines for garbage cans left out for over 24 hours.
If that’s now a priority, we thought of a few other issues to add to the list. Each one equally deserving of fines to inch the South one step closer to rising again.
- Under cooked boiled peanuts
- Not having a personal story about Strom Thurmond
- Wearing white shoes before Easter
- Sugar in grits
- Failing to take every out of town guest on a drive along South Boundary
- Walking back into a host’s home because, as you were leaving, she said, “Ya’ll come back”
- Calling a soft drink something other than “Coke”
- Failing to state the importance of the Battle of Aiken whenever Gettysburg is mentioned
- Forgetting to add “Bless his heart” following an insult
- Preferring Duke’s BBQ over Carolina BBQ
- Faking a southern accent
- Refusing to turn left through a red light at any public fountain
- Failing to send thank-you cards
- Failing if you’re a woman to wear a hat at the steeple chase
- Chewing gum in church; a fine and TWO casseroles at the next funeral
A year and a half into Trump’s presidency and Hillary is no closer to reaching that last step in the grieving process. In fact, she appears to have added steps such as mania, rage, conspiracy jitters, boxed wine comfort, what-I’d-do-if-I-was-president input, continuous what-if’ing campaign strategy, and burning cheese head hats to punish Wisconsin voters. We’re doubtful that the last step in the human grieving process, acceptance, will be possible.
In the mean time, the crushing defeat is worn like a 300 lb chip on her shoulder … in the shape of Trump.
Politicians fight, say mean things, complain about the other side of the aisle and take quotes out of context to make each other look like racist, sexist, aliens from another planet.
Th ere are no better examples of this feigned outrage in Congress than the hoopla over Trump’s “animal” comment, his disinviting the Eagles, and the flip-flopping apoplexy depending on whether there is or isn’t going to be a summit. It’s like they wake up in the morning to see where Trump stands on any issue so they can calibrate their rage compass and proceed to battle stations.
In the end though, conservatives are fired up, liberals are fired up, and the results are heavier doses of campaign donations … so they can do it all over again.
Maybe they learned it from professional wrestling. And if so, maybe that’s why Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is considering a run at the presidency.
Speaking of animals, did you see where an MS-13 gang member in Boston was sentenced to 40 years in prison for killing a 15 year old? The murderer is affectionately known as Animal. Oh, and when he gets out of prison he’ll be deported … unless Boston’s a sanctuary city.
Aren’t the media something. They’ve had quite a week. Only they could boost Hamas, MS-13 and Stormy onto a pedestal over such a short period of time.
Even Planned Parenthood got into the act admonishing Trump for his animals comment. “This moment calls for the President to do serious self-reflection” said Cecile Richards, former president of Planned Parenthood. I do believe Ms Richards should sit this one out. After all, it takes a rather callous soul to not consider a little self-reflection after performing over 300,000 abortions each year. That’s millions over the many years it’s been in existence. Mao would be proud. They’ve likely surpassed the number of people he killed.