The media’s in a fix. Good ol’ Uncle Joe, the 2020 savior of the Democrat party, has finally had his handiness catch up with him. Way way back before there ever was a #metoo movement, Joe was just a friendly close talking, hair sniffing, Joe-will-be-Joe kind of guy. That day was what, last Tuesday? Now just keep your hands in your pockets and only smell the hair growing uncontrollably out of your own nose.
Joe’s new problems wouldn’t exist if Al Franken hadn’t pretended to get handsy while goofing for the camera. Now the media are confused as to which side their on. Do they criticize Joe and contradict the elevated status Joe’s received from the Democrats up to this point or ignore the behavior ’cause that’s just Joe. If there wasn’t that ghost of Al Franken hovering over DC, the media would be drooling over Uncle Joe and his touching affection he shows for women and little girls. And we do mean touching.
Speaking of Franken. See this post from the era of Franken’s demise, as a reminder.
In an era of name calling elevated to heights not seen since the New York Times called Robert E. Lee a flapdoodle foozler, one name we didn’t expect to hear in 2019 was “baby killer” yet there you are Democrats.
You’ve got to imagine they woke up the day after blocking a bill to protect a born person – otherwise known as, well, a person – thinking “#$%@, I just had the weirdest dream that I threw away my moral compass, stomped on the constitution and pandered to the fartherest of the farthest left we could go.” Otherwise known as a Tuesday.
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In a bold move, Robert Mueller expanded his investigative and law enforcement powers to include the authority to read facial expressions and assess fashion statements.
Seeing the potential end to the current Russian collusion investigation, that so far has netted only post-election process violations having nothing to do with collusion, Mueller expanded his powers to include mental telepathy. Mueller explained that it was the next obvious step in the evolution of his authoritarian powers. “I’ve been given so much free reign in these investigations that sixth sense was the only possible new power to be exploited” said Mueller as he attended his weekly back-rub from CNN executives. He added that “fashion police authority was just a bonus.”
Combining telepathic knowledge of what a smirk really means with the poor fashion choice of MAGA hats put the unfortunate Convington Catholic High School students square in his cross hairs … and indictment writing pen.
In response to a reporter who accidentally asked Mueller a hard question about legal aspects of fashion indictments, the Special Counsel lead investigator replied, “And your Social Security number is what?”