Chicago experienced 762 murders in 2016 resulting in a murder rate 5 times greater than New York City. Perhaps 2017 will be better; however, the number of murders this January exceeded the same time frame last year. See below for the number of murders during each day in January 2017.
Our award-winning investigative journalism recently uncovered and infiltrated a secret society deep in the bowels of Washington DC. What we originally thought was a book signing for “Bringing Back the Best of Bolshevism”, was actually a group dedicated to gumming up the works within the Trump administration. As we approached the door to the new home of Barrack H. Obama, it was clear that we were out of place in this palatial $6 million residence. Despite our trepidation we proceeded to knock. As a pair of eyes peered through a slot in the door, a voice said, “password please.” With the fortunate guess of “Workers of the world unite” a series of clicks and chain rattles proceeded and, bingo, we were in.
What followed was an embarrassing mix of chants, animal sacrifices, and party games like “pin the blame on the elephant.” The evening culminated with the chair of the Shenanigan Committee, Valerie Jarrett, statusing their 87 page checklist for disrupting the Trump administration. Provided below is a photo of one page of that plan captured while attendees were busy practicing their nose-up-eyes-closed-look-of-disdain sneer.
Our reporting would be incomplete if we didn’t mention the best part of the evening, an amazing spread of comfort food provided by Michelle Obama, including chicken wings, fried cheese curds, little chocolate doughnuts, mugs of warm gravy and Lipitor.
Liberals appear to be fixated with Hitler. Note these classy quotes:
His supporters are like “good Germans” in “Hitler’s Germany.” Harry Stein, Esquire magazine.
“I could not help remembering how economic turmoil had conspired with Nazi nationalism and militarism—all intensified by Germany’s defeat in World War I—to send the world reeling into catastrophe… It is not entirely mistaken to contemplate our post-election state with fear and trembling.” John Roth, Claremont College professor.
“We sometimes have the feeling that we are living in the time preceding the election of Adolf Hitler as Chancellor of Germany.” Fidel Castro.
And liberals have been fixated for some time. For these quotes above were actually pointed at Ronald Reagan the day after his election in 1980.