Congrats again to the four winners from our previous contest! They will receive their very own mug, to be shipped this weekend. Each mug is made from durable ceramic, beautifully designed and well balanced with an easy-to-grip handle so Hillary can hurl it across the room.
We’d love to give more away. How about a contest contest?
For the two best new contests you think we should run, we’ll award coffee mugs.
To get you thinking, here are some past posts that could have been turned into contest opportunities. Links are included.
- Buried surprises in Obamacare.
- Moments in history that can be blamed on conservatives.
- Opportunities to make competing industries advertise for each other.
- Courses that politicians took, that the rest of us missed.
- When breaking southern protocols deserves fines.
- New words and definitions appropriate based on current events.
- Ways to further ruin the NFL viewing experience.
Come up with your own idea for a contest that pokes at politicians, the media, celebrities or whatever’s making the news. Feel free to email us directly from the Contacts page with entries or questions. We’ll close this in one week, on Friday, 3/8.
If there was such a thing as a haughty list… right to the top.
The request for 3 million pages of Kavanaugh’s previous documents, that by the way, don’t include his 300 opinions that Senators already have in their possession for review, seems a bit excessive. But considering the usual amount of paper generated by the globe’s greatest paper mill, maybe that’s not really as much as it sounds.
Let’s put Congress through a little exercise.
We’ll personally collect up those 3 million pages if Congress will lay them side-by-side and walk along this “paper trail” reading into Judge Kavanaugh’s inner-most thoughts. How far of a walk will this be? Would it reach from the Capital building to the Lincoln Memorial? And how many pounds of fat would be melted off during this bureaucratic trek? If we can get Congress out for a little walk, it’s a twofer; a little exercise for our nation’s leaders while getting the nation’s work accomplished.
The walk would actually be a little farther than the National Mall’s grassy stretch. In fact, the path would extend for 403 miles. That’s a walk from Washington, DC to Shrewsbury, MA! Recall how Obamacare was too big for our lawmakers to read. Kavanaugh’s documents clock in at the equivalent of 1,500 Obamacares.
Perhaps one way to encourage the Democrats to begin caring about illegal border crossings is for Trump to declare July 4th as Opioid Open Border Day. We think that’d be a twofer. One, liberals would demand Trump do something about the porous border, and two,… they’d instantly find patriotism.
Liberals appear to determine their freak-out issue of the day by one of two means. Either their outrage is calibrated based on what Trump does and hence they must move 180 degrees in opposition, or, and more frequently, they’ve been caught in a scandal, and require a deflection-issue. Take for example the Horowitz’s Congressional testimony which brought to light at least four FBI personnel involved in the Hillary and Trump investigations with extreme biases for Hillary and against Trump. We’d call that a monumental scandal.
Apparently though, today’s shiny object for the media is Melania’s-raincoat-message scandal. Maybe they got bored showing pictures of children caged during Obama’s administration.
Mark Sanford, the ex-South Carolina governor is now headed to being the ex-congressman after losing his bid for re-election in the SC Republican primary. What’s amazing to us is that his unceremonious fall from the governorship could land him in any political post; and here we’re assuming that there really aren’t elections for dog catcher.
His downfall began when he claimed to be “hiking the Appalachian Trail” following his disappearance in the summer of 2009. He was actually in Argentina with his “soul mate.” What’s interesting is that this occurred exactly nine years ago. That anniversary is easy to remember since, while Sanford was busy getting busy behind the back of his wife and children, he was doing it on Father’s Day.
So now in South Carolina lore when someone says their “hiking the Appalachian Trail”, it’s proceeded by a wink and a nudge. Perhaps “sex” should now be a euphemism for actually hiking the Appalachian Trail. Imagine the marketing potential.
Translation: Who farted.
If you relied entirely on the still photos captured during the G7 summit you might think that all participants were either disgusted with one particular participant or the cabbage and baked beans were a little too potent for leadership digestive systems. Take for example the viral photo below of Trump and other yanks in what appears to be a contentious discussion. Perhaps Trump asked Angela if she and Hillary shopped at the same plus-size pant suit store.
Reality just might be something different. Here’s another photo taken about the same time.
We suspect that the picture’s a little blurry due to the camera immediately being pulled from the cameraman before the shutter was completely closed. The nerve, didn’t he realize a happy, congenial G7 photo was verboten.
In reality we think this blurry one was taken first, immediately followed by a wafting fragrance of methane, cabbage and overcooked broccoli as it overtakes the group, even requiring John Bolton to begin breathing through his mouth. All looked stunned except one person. We believe the culprit who dealt it is obvious due to the sly grin as he establishes an “air” of dominance.