Entire music industry faces possible ban after shocking video surfaces
A recent revelation involving the entire music industry places most musicians and music producers in jeopardy of being banned from all radio, TV and live performances. Confederacy of Drones, a snarky, unknown and frankly pitiful excuse for a website, uncovered grainy footage of a musical performance that could only be described as an astounding display of insensitive hate speech set to music.
These celebrities brazenly attempted to sing about a Christian event that falls unabashedly during the Happy Holiday Season.
Hidden away in an underground bunker, similar to Hitler, celebrities excitedly orchestrate an eerie sound of bells, bongos and a well rehearsed melody. We only discover upon careful listening that the song is about Christmas, God and praying. If you have the stomach and dare to listen carefully to the lyrics you’ll hear things like:
“But say a prayer, pray for the other ones”
“Well tonight thank God”
“Do they know it’s Christmastime at all?”
The dog whistles in this tune are more like trumpets drowning out the reason for the season: being away from work, fighting shoppers, getting even fatter and decorating the holiday tree.
Upon being confronted with his disregard for common decency, Boy George explained, “As a kid, I didn’t understand the power of certain words and how they can hurt.”
Kevin Spacey joined the world of the woke when he said, “At least I didn’t do that!”
Annual Award Nominations Due
Nominations are due for the 2018 awards to honor those throughout the year who distinguished themselves in a manner deserving of outward ridicule. The list of our nominees is extensive but not complete.
We’re looking for additional nominees in the categories listed, but would love to learn of other categories that highlight the uniqueness that was 2018. All participants will win some form of Confederacy of Drones swag delivered to their mailbox in discrete packaging. The quality of the swag will be dependent on the quality of the input. It will range from a small rock with Confederacy of Drones hand lettered to something even nicer.
Submit your nominations and suggested award categories to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Without further delay, here are the 2018 award categories and our (incomplete) list of nominees.
- The Disappearing Statesman Award – Paul Ryan
- The I’m Not Too Old for Politics Award – Nancy Pelosi
- The Tact Award – Donald Trump
- The My God This World Seems Upside Down Award – Antifa Movement
- The Comeback of the Year Award – Mitt Romney
- A Lifetime Achievement Award (Sleazy Politics category) – Bill Clinton
- The Confused About The Meaning of the Word Journalist Award – Jim Acosta
- The Remember When Religious Figures were Concerned With Religious Matters – Pope Francis
- The All Republicans Really are Racists Award – Michael Moore
- The Most Likely to get Lost on the DC Subway Award – Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
- The You Could Ruin A Wet Dream Award – Roseann Barr
- The Nero Fiddling Award – Jerry Brown
Two quotes from Kanye West
Two quotes from Kanye West:
- N#@$&! is monsters / N#@$&! i is pimps / n#@$&! is players / Til n#@$&! have daughters / N#@$&! is pimps / n#@$&! is players /‘Til n#@$&! have daughters
- I think it’s bravery that helps you beat this game called life. You know they tried to scare me to not wear this hat. My own friends. But this hat gives me a different power in a way. You know my dad and my mom separated, so I didn’t have a lot of male energy in my home. And also I’m married to a family that, you know, not a lot of male energy going on.
For one of these, he’s considered a poet. For the other, a crazy person who can’t read. Guess which goes with which.
The Long and Whiny Road
Paul McCartney, in an effort to become relevant again, has finally gotten on the Trump Hate Train. After all it’s what the cool kids are doing these days. We thought we’d try our own version of a musical lecture.
Hey Dude, don’t be afraid
You were made to sing songs – not politic
The minute you let Trump under your skin
Then you begin to let him win
Anytime you feel the pain, hey Dude, refrain
Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders
Just know that Trump’s a fool who plays it cool
By making this world a little better
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah
Hey Dude, don’t let me down
You have found a cause, now go and get it
Remember, don’t ride your jet to far
Then you can start to fix the climate
So let it out and let it in, hey Dude, begin
You’re waiting for someone to say you’re relevant
And don’t you know that it’s just you, hey Dude, you’ll do
Your movement is on Hollywood’s shoulder
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah yeah
Hey Dude, don’t make it bad
Take a sad song and make it radical
Remember don’t let Trump under your skin
Then you’ll begin to make it
Better better better better better better, oh
Fearless Girl ready to hit the road
It’s been a little over a year since the stare-down between Fearless Girl and the bull began. With her readiness to take her defiant pose and pointy elbows on the road, we thought it’d be a good time to resurrect this piece we put together exactly one year ago.