Outbreak of spontaneous nose growth

Posted on November 2, 2019

In the era of Adam Schiff as a political party leader, frequent spontaneous nose growth is occurring anytime a microphone and a Democrat are in the same room.  Staff physicians, thus far, have identified no cause for the protrusive nose outbreak.  Their wood-like density and occasional leafy offshoots are even more baffling.

Meanwhile, explosive nose growths on Capitol Hill have resulted in the loss of 17 eyes, 87 cracked press camera lenses and a broken windshield.

At a recent Democrat press conference, now commonly referred to as a Trump re-election event, Nancy Pelosi discussed Schiff’s leadership role in the upcoming impeachment inquiry.

She noted her complete confidence in his abilities.  Apparently, this confidence was limited to his ability to discuss Trump’s atrocities in as much clarity as Stephen Hawking’s explaining the infield fly rule… in Mandarin Chinese… translated to pig Latin.

Pelosi then turned the discussion over to Schiff who proceeded to put the nose extension phenomenon on full display.  With a grimaced face, he explained how it pained him to be critical of the President, but was duty-bound to protect the Constitution.

After Congressional staffers removed the injured and broken cameras from the area, Schiff continued his remarks from behind two feet of leaded glass.

Jerry Nadler offered up some words of advice for the journalists who were eager to do hard-hitting, investigative reporting. He then broke out in uncontrollable laughter since actual journalists are now extinct. Plus, reporters work from home reviewing daily DNC talking points and surfing social media.

Schiff concluded the briefing with information on exciting new nose control research that so far has shown some positive results.  Researchers developed an experimental ointment costing $1.2 billion, funded by the Congressional Litigation Defense Fund.   When Schiff used it without effect, he was counseled on its proper application as a topical cream.

Schiff did report, though, that his chin has almost completely disappeared.