Swift action for violators by Congress.
As a nation, we were founded on morals, integrity and respect for our fellow man… and woman. Over the past several decades though, sexualizing of our society by Hollywood and the media has eroded innocence to the point where a recent article in Teen Vogue titled Anal Sex: What You Need to Know/How to do it the RIGHT Way is actually an article in Teen Vogue (7/7/17). But isn’t that the definition of Progressive; being morally repugnant while teaching us how to take it in the a$$?
That pendulum though may be hurtling back in the opposite direction due to the #metoo movement. It’s the metaphorical snowball rolling downhill, quickly gaining size, speed and hence momentum, on its way to taking out power players in Hollywood, the media and Congress.
Damsels have found confidence in knowing what is right, what is acceptable, and where hands must be kept at all times, hint: pockets, men’s own pockets, men’s own pockets without any rummaging around down there. And for those men who dare cross the line between professional and prurient, punishment is being doled out swiftly.
As a result of Senator Al Franken’s misdeeds he is resigning his seat in Congress at some undisclosed date that may or may not hinge on how long “this whole Victorian, self-righteous attitude lasts before they go back to, dog-gone-it, liking me” phase.
In the meantime, a new dress code has been established for those members of Congress suspected of getting a little handsy with the weaker sex. During his resignation speech Senator Franken modeled the latest in incapacitation business wear, now referred to as the Franken Frock… to keep him and other uncontrollable congressional culprits from doing the Franken Fondle, Franken Feel and the Franken French.
So be warned you lecherous men, who up to this point think that your open mouths, hands and bath robes provide a welcomed signal to women that inhibitions should be left at the door; punishments are becoming severe and only matched by the swiftness with which the retribution occurs. The Congressional Women’s Caucus is deep in discussions on other infractions including winking, staring, drooling and for the pants suit sub-caucus, wedgies.
Who knew? Much to our surprise it’s considered a racial slur to call someone Pocahontas. Trump found that out this week after a tweet where he referred to Elizabeth Warren as Pocahontas, although that wasn’t the first time he’s done that. After back lash from this recent tweet, Trump apologized by saying, “I do regret calling her Pocahontas, because I think it’s a tremendous insult to Pocahontas.”
In related news, we didn’t have a single Pocahontas show up at our door this Halloween. There was, however, a preschooler who showed up as an old man. I was deeply offended.
Speaking of words, did you know the Japanese have a word for being worked to death. It’s Karoshi. We Americans have the antonym though, couch potato. Of course being overworked doesn’t require the English language to come up with a word, but there are a number of new words and definitions based on current events we offer up for consideration:
- pignore – turning a blind eye in Hollywood and journalism to workplace sexual assault and harassment
- taximonious – expecting the government to pay for things but not realizing where the government gets its money
- testimony – having someone’s genitals in a vice in order to gain cooperation
- Demoshat – ability to explosively crap political theater the instant a tragedy occurs
- Republisham – inability to accomplish anything even though you own both houses of Congress and the presidency
- twit – a person who relies entirely on Twitter to communicate
- clinton – the act of cheating to gain an advantage
- bernt – being cheated
- kimduldge – fueling North Korea’s nuclear ambitions through failed diplomacy
- beleech – destroying emails so you can continue to live off the country
- pootinkering – election meddling
- irangement – establishing policy that provides the Iranian government a path to nuclear weapons
- climetastic – using any change in weather as proof that the world will end unless everyone, except celebrities, reduces their carbon footprint
Now that the Democrat party has progressed so far as to paraphrase a pizza franchise slogan as their own, we thought we’d provide a few alternatives for their consideration.
- A better deal: better thieves, better liars, better hypocrites
- Expanding our local successes nationally. Just look at Chicago, Baltimore and Detroit.
- A better deal: the New Deal on steroids
color blindblinded by color
- A better deal: Better Schumer, Better Pelosi, Better Maxine Waters!
- Make America blue again
- Better unalienable rights: Strife, Pity and the Pursuit of Mediocrity
- Illegal aliens are voters too
- Honoring the overachievers and their wallets
- A better deal: for us
- We do the thinking so you don’t have to
- A better deal: Better MSNBC, Better CNN, Better ABC
- Science means discovery, unless Al Gore says it’s settled.
- Leave no child left in the womb
- Impeaching our way to the White House
- A better deal: ha, ha, ha