Congressional Recess Travel Fund
As we all know Congress takes frequent recesses to allow them to “get in touch with their constituents” and “hike the Appalachian Trail.” Considering their desperate need for some actual rest and relaxation, a GoFundMe has been established for just that purpose. With the news that Jeff Bezos may soon be charging $200,000 per ride to space, now is the time to provide our most prized politicians with an opportunity that will surely recharge their batteries. For the 535 members of Congress, this initial GoFundMe opportunity will seek $53.5M.
That should get them half way through their space journey. We’ll worry about the return trip GoFundMe later.
Thanks to at least a few Supreme Court justices there’s still hope for the Constitution. In a 5-4 ruling they determined that California’s law requiring anti-abortion, faith-based pregnancy centers to advertise for abortion clinics infringed on the pro-life organizations’ 1st Amendment rights. The scary part is that it wasn’t a 9-0 ruling.
We reported on this in March and pointed out a few “fun” equivalencies including a requirement for the Presbyterian Women’s Garden Club to advertise for a strip club. We even came up with the advertisement.
The town of Aiken, South Carolina, coming off of its feature in Southern Living magazine as the South’s best small town of 2018 is taking their title seriously. So seriously that they’re tackling rogue garbage cans, the scourge of any self respecting city below the Mason-Dixon line, and handing out fines for garbage cans left out for over 24 hours.
If that’s now a priority, we thought of a few other issues to add to the list. Each one equally deserving of fines to inch the South one step closer to rising again.
- Under cooked boiled peanuts
- Not having a personal story about Strom Thurmond
- Wearing white shoes before Easter
- Sugar in grits
- Failing to take every out of town guest on a drive along South Boundary
- Walking back into a host’s home because, as you were leaving, she said, “Ya’ll come back”
- Calling a soft drink something other than “Coke”
- Failing to state the importance of the Battle of Aiken whenever Gettysburg is mentioned
- Forgetting to add “Bless his heart” following an insult
- Preferring Duke’s BBQ over Carolina BBQ
- Faking a southern accent
- Refusing to turn left through a red light at any public fountain
- Failing to send thank-you cards
- Failing if you’re a woman to wear a hat at the steeple chase
- Chewing gum in church; a fine and TWO casseroles at the next funeral
It’s been a little over a year since the stare-down between Fearless Girl and the bull began. With her readiness to take her defiant pose and pointy elbows on the road, we thought it’d be a good time to resurrect this piece we put together exactly one year ago.