Enhancing the NFL experience?
Since the NFL doesn’t seem to mind players expressing their political opinions while they have a captive, paying audience, we were wondering what else the NFL might do to negatively impact the fans’ experience. Here are a few thoughts.
- AARP-sponsored cheerleaders
- playing field vibrates and scores are determined when someone randomly skitters across the goal line with the ball. All done to to ACDC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long”
- quinoa replaces meat products sold at concession stands
- games are canceled when actual snowflakes fall on the field
- each fan family is required to take home a multimillionaire player to continue the lectures re how unfair it is to live in the USA
- the 2-minute warning is replaced with the 2-minute nation admonishment
- lousy domestic swill beer is sold at $8 per warm plastic cup (oh sorry, already got that one)
- pre-chewed pretzels
- rubbery chicken tenders will actually be made of rubber
- three drink minimum
- the “Hail Mary” will be replaced with the “Allah Akbar”
- “Wear Your Own Uniform” day. All black along with masks encouraged
- ISIS sponsored give-a-ways include headless bobbleheads
- Festivus will be recognized as an official NFL holiday. Player introductions will include the airing of a grievance.
- concession stands all closed during political protests
- concession food containers will be limited to environmentally friendly banana leaves
- ESPN announcers to fist fight Jerry Jones during half time to Madonnas’ “Material Girl” (Note: Jerry wins)
3 thoughts on “Enhancing the NFL experience?”
October 12, 2017 at 8:56 pm
The best ever!!! Fantastic!
Everitt F. Binns Ph.D. Ebinns1@gmail.com 610-730-4347
October 12, 2017 at 11:15 pm
Well that’s some high praise and we appreciate it.
March 1, 2019 at 10:44 am
[…] to further ruin the NFL viewing […]