Independent journalists recently discovered a 2016 closed-door meeting transcript involving the leadership of both the Democrat and Republican parties. That meeting including Nancy Pelosi, Mitch McConnell, Matt Damon, and Porky Pig. The transcript revealed a striking level of cooperation within the group. Unfortunately, the group failed to invite a representative of US citizens.
Doubly unfortunate, mainstream media attended as an off-the-record voting member.
In a candid moment of self-reflection, the meeting attendees discussed their continued burden of being expected to make decisions. The leadership reflected on their goal to avoid taking responsibility for, well, leadership.
Pelosi echoed the wishes of each meeting participant for a world-wide distraction that would consume the next four years, have the appearance of reflective, soulful, and hard work, portray both parties as having spines, and avoid actual hard work.
Porky Pig was the first to suggest that “Maybe we could impea, impea, impea… indict Trump.” The room filled with intense laughter at the ridiculous thought followed immediately by a moment of thoughtful silence.
Along with obvious all-consuming distraction an impeachment effort might cause, Damon was hopeful that a movie about Trump’s demise would be bigger than The Green Zone, Downsizing or even Jersey Girl.
At this, the transcript noted a collective eye-roll.
Following a quick search under the couch for one of McConnell’s eyes, the group proceeded in their planning.
Pelosi began with a set of ground rules:
- The naming of post offices would become the key House function. [After a brief argument, McConnell agreed that the Senate would try to keep up.]
- The group would allow Jerry Nadler and Adam Schiff to attend remedial feigned indignation training.
- Matt Damon must persuade Twitter to not suspend Trump’s account.
- McConnell would ensure Pelosi has an opportunity to yell importantly at members of the media and proclaim her deeply held Catholic believes, other than that pesky abortion thing.
Attendees vehemently agreed that more rules would be too difficult to remember.
Someone, although it’s not clear who, concluded the meeting with “That’s all folks.”