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But how is Michelle coping?
The world wonders, not about how terrorism is threatening almost every country across the globe, not about the high level of poverty right here in our own country, not about the record number of people on food stamps, or the stagnant economy. The world wonders how Michelle is coping.
Layla Al-Ani a widow living in Muatassam, Iraq, where women are treated as property and sharia law rules the day, recently spoke out, with approval from her uncle, about her incarceration and torture.
“I know that as bad as things are, Michelle is really the one suffering”, said Layla. “Her strength in overcoming this thing they call micro-aggression is inspiring. It will provide me much needed encouragement to know that while receiving my 100 lashes for being raped, my petty troubles are nothing compared to Michelle’s life in a house that slaves helped to build.”
The struggle for independence is an iconic theme that permeates the fabric of the United States of America. That struggle continues with little appreciation given to the greatest struggles known, those endured by the current first lady. We never fully appreciated how difficult it is to be Michelle. Having to keep up the brave face as she’s forced to travel to exotic locations and eat in the finest restaurants. And the clothing she’s made to wear, don’t get us started on that barbaric expectation. It’s particularly telling when she’s overheard saying
” #@%& Barry, maybe I don’t want to spend another $10 million on vacations this year. Can’t I just spend that on my own island like everyone else?”
No wonder Michelle comes across as entitled, like the country owes her more than she’s given to it. Let’s all begin to appreciate her oppression and persecution. Perhaps one day we’ll understand what we owe Michelle and she can at last be proud of this country.
Hillary’s newly discovered lies
A few tongue-in-cheek Hillary lies that were recently uncovered.
“Actually, I was named after Hillary Duff.”
“Let me be clear, my vote on the 2002 Iraq Was was to not disallow the non-peaceful contrary efforts at un-destablizing pro-antimilitary action.”
Anytime she begins with “Let me be clear…”
“Truth be told, I was actually taking fire from an angry mob slinging baba ghanoush.”
Anytime she begins with “Truth be told…”
“I’m so pro-woman that I’m wearing a fat suit just to help me relate to body-conscious ladies.”
“Really, what happened was I thought ‘server’ meant personal butler.”
“I have a deep connection with the average working people of this great nation who are dead broke like me.”
“We will mercilessly defeat the energetic non-denominational radical extremists through a heightened plea for inter-faith calm and reconciliation.”
“Ha ha ha ha cackle snort snort cackle”
“I’m shocked.”
“If I like my email server, I can keep my email server.”
“We came, we saw, Gaddafi died. What’s the worst that can happen?
“I actually preferred a watch-your-step-or-I-might-unload-a-can-of-overseas-contingency-on-your-ass button instead of a reset button.”
“I really miss Vince Foster.”
Remembering on Memorial Day
From all of us here at Confederacy of Drones, have a great Memorial Day and remember why we take time this time out of our busy schedules.
Hillary’s Emails FOUND!
Following endless searches by the best IT professionals that the Confederacy of Drones could find, the lost trove of emails, thought long ago wiped by Hillary Clinton, have emerged. The exclusive content is right here. Enjoy
From: Hillary@foiledFOIA.com
To: Big$Pack@sold!.com
RE: IT Services Request
Dear BP,
Again, we have no interest in giving referrals for IT folks!
Don’t contact again.
Hill
From: Hillary@foiledFOIA.com
To: cstevens@state.dept.gov
Draperies?
Got your request for embassy security upgrades. Thinking white drapes with a few nice splashes of pink. It’s a very calming color.
Luv,
Hill
From: Hillary@foiledFOIA.com
To: FeelTheBern.finally@bern
Election Chances
Dear Schmuck,
At this point, what difference does it make?
Hill
From: Hillary@foiledFOIA.com
To: NCLegislature@NC.com
Bathroom Choices
Dear Sirs,
It’s was a PANTSUIT!
Hill
From: Hillary@foiledFOIA.com
To: LISTSERV.WallStreet@gmail.com
Thanks Millions
If you thought Barry was going to flexible with Vlad, you haven’t seen anything yet. Hang in there with me until after the election and I’ll show you Cirque du Soleil meets the Mustang Ranch flexible.
Luv to all my WS buds.
XOXO,
Hill
From: Hillary@foiledFOIA.com
To: sultan@oman.org
RE: Clinton Foundation Receipts
My dearest Sultan,
Thanks for the donation of $3,000,000 for the Clinton Foundation. I was a little surprised that there was postage due though. Please remit an additional 0.27 cents in the form of check or money order. Political favors don’t grow on trees, you know.
With deepest bow,
Hill
From: Hillary@foiledFOIA.com
To: princebajuel@nigeria.palace.com
RE: Nigerian Request for Urgent Business Relationship
Dear Prince Bajuel:
You’re email was an unexpected surprise. Yes, I would very much be interested in handling Nigerian money that you are having difficulty moving from your country, for a fee as you suggested. And yes, I have ways of keeping this confidential.
Please send information as soon as possible.
Yours,
Hill
From: Hillary@foiledFOIA.com
To: EntitledBrats@scared.com
My Dearest EBrats,
Give me a little room then afterwards we can hit the reset. Safe spaces and microagression enforcement will BE the Hillary presidency.
Here to coddle,
Grandma Hill
Learn to love the bomb
Like Slim Pickens in “Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb” the Republicans might as well hold on, enjoy the ride and act excited about what their doing.
Pandering, er, I mean tours.
Now that the presumptive presidential nominee for the Democrats knows who’s she’ll be running against, she’s going “touring” again. First “listening” and now “breaking down barriers.” We thought we’d offer up a few tours that will likely be high on Hillary’s list of tour topics.
Kill Coal Industry Tour (unless I’m in West Virginia then Go Mountaineers Tour)
Make America Average Again Tour
My God, Can’t We Keep the Bimbos From Bill Tour
Bernie is Such a Pussy Tour
Watch Me Finish Bernie Off Like Roman Gladiator Against a Peasant Tour
Never Poor Again Tour
Hurry To The White House Before the Ghosts of Politics Past Come Back to Haunt Me Tour
Where’s MY “Tingle-up-the-leg” Moment? Tour
Can’t Blame You Bill, I’d Do Her Too Tour
The Frank Underwood’s An Amatuer Tour
Inappropriate Cackling Tour
Pantsuit on Fire Tour
Opaque Transparency Tour
Transparent Opaque Tour
Dammit Just Coronate Me Already Tour
Never mind, she’s already rolling along on all of these tours at once. Let’s just call it the Tour Tour.
Alternative movie projects for Will Ferrell
Now that Will Ferrell has given up on his movie project featuring the hilarious high-jinks of Ronald Reagan during the Alzheimer’s years, we thought we’d offer up a few alternatives that will surely lead to thigh slapping and uncontrollable floor rolling.
- Follow Ghandi as his efforts to start the Eastern Chapter of Weight Watchers get uproariously mistaken for a political statement due to his all too effective diet.
- Little known correspondence between Hitler and FDR is revealed in this brilliant comedy as the Fuhrer promises Roosevelt free spa treatment for his legs including invigorating showers and deep-heating therapy.
- Return to JFK’s early life before Camelot as he works part-time selling convertibles. “Your mind will be blown at how well anyone can scope you out as you cruise for attention” says Kennedy during one of many laugh-out-loud moments.
- The last few months of Steve Jobs life are chronicled in this bio pic, rom-com as the entrepreneur searches for a cancer cure. Hilarity ensues when he’s convinced that the proper treatment is peanut butter enemas.”
- Prepare to bust a gut as you watch the unsuspecting Stephen Hawking get his wheelchair hacked by two teenagers from Deerfield, Kansas. Then follow the antics as these scamps control everything the brilliant scientists says and does. The comedy gets even sharper as a cult-like following of the theoretical physicist develops.
If those won’t work for Mr. Ferrell – even though we’ve practically provided concise plot lines with only a few blanks left to fill in – here are other well know people along with traits he may be able to mine for comedic gold.
Springsteen sings the bathroom choice blues
Sung to the tune of Born in the USA
Got in a bathroom jam.
Cancelled out on Greensboro, man.
North Carolina’s like a foreign land.
Said, “you gotta pee in the proper can.”
Need the girls room to do my business in.
Want to have my own GYN.
Doc doesn’t realize that I am The Boss.
All he says is “turn your head and cough.”
Gettin’ attention in the media.
The rest of you have a phobia.
Gotta love that CNN.
Said “go ahead, change your name to Gwen.“
Born in the USA, with the wrong gen-ital–ia.
Can stand up to piss and all they say is “duh.“
I’m willin’ to be born different from men.
Willin’ to be born, ‘cept born again.
Born in the USA, with the wrong gen-ital–ia.
I have wrong gen-ital–ia, wrong gen-ital–ia.
Frightening things you didn’t know
While we weren’t paying attention because we’ve been so engrossed in the Republican campaign, you know, watching the my-wife-is-prettier-than-your-wife twitter war that has more in common with MTV than than the GOP, John Kerry attended an interesting meeting. Kerry does look a little like Gomer Pyle so it seems fitting to offer up a “surprise, surprise, surprise” that during his recent visit to Havana, Cuba, he met with…wait for it… a terrorist organization.
If you’ve never heard of FARC, don’t feel bad, very few have, at least very few who live north of Cuba. FARC is the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Columbia (or in Spanish, Fuerzas Armadas Revolucionarias de Colombia). A terrorist organization that has waged war with Colombia for many years. They’re well financed through wholesome endeavors such as kidnapping, extortion, and drug trafficking. In fact, they’re one of the largest drug traffickers in the world. Their unique brand of capitalism aside, they also rape and murder. That nasty murdering thing is likely why the US has had them listed as a terrorist organization for the past 20 years.
FARC, backed by Castro’s Cuba, has an ongoing battle with the Colombian government and the people of Colombia. And now, in an attempt to create a legacy, any legacy, the Obama administration is giving legitimacy to FARC to encourage a peace deal. A peace deal that has been in the works for years with no positive results. Who knew you that you can’t negotiate with terrorists.
Don’t think this legitimizes FARC? Consider FARC’s latest chest puffing announcement pointed out by Mary Anastasia O’Grady’s article in the Wall Street Journal : “We hope that as a consequence, we are recognized as a political force committed to the expansion of democracy and social progress in Colombia.”
If there’s progress towards peace, it’ll include little cost to FARC other than meaningless promises, if they get their way. As stated in a recent edition of Foreign Policy, FARC could be removed from the terrorist list and arrest warrants suspended against FARC leaders (at last count there were at least 60 FARC members with U.S. grand jury indictments against them and for whom the U.S. Department of Justice has standing extradition requests to the Colombian government).
FARC wants to be considered a political force in Colombia with no consequences for their horrific actions. If Colombia bows, that’s not compromise, that’s surrender.
Confederacy of Drones 