Family

Economic life saver

Posted on

And your grandkids’ anchor.

This entry was posted in Cartoon, Debt, economy, Family, Health and tagged , , .

Toilet paper and other insanity

Posted on Updated on

Life during the coronavirus can be tedious, dull and anxiety-provoking.  The cause, of course, is our new COVID-19 stay-at-home holiday and forced family time.  A holiday, by the way, without turkey, football, or tryptophan.  Luckily if you missed your emergency grocery shopping window, there’s still an endless supply of congealed cranberry-sauce-in-a-can.

Despite our new sequestered lifestyle, we should take smart actions to stop the vile pestilence known as the mainstream media.  Remember their motto:

If it bleeds, it leads.  If it sneezes, it teases.  If it swells, it sells.

To counter the pervasive hype, the world needs complete eradication of any illness that drives headlines.

To accomplish this here’s a handy list of do’s and don’ts when confronted with a communicable disease battle and accompanying hysteria.

  • Take a cue from Antifa’s foresight; masks can be effective at concealing your identity from Covid-19. That won’t protect you from the virus, but it might keep you from touching your face.
  • Unlike Antifa’s other strategy, we don’t recommend battering people to ensure they get a preventive hospital stay.
  • Finger sucking in public is discouraged. Joe Biden, I’m talking to you.
  • The grocery store’s cleaning aisle is NOT a pharmacy.
  • For proactive social distancing try these tips:
    • Print your own Wuhan souvenir t-shirts to wear in public.
    • Keep a cooler labeled “biohazard” with you at all times.
    • Wear a bodysuit with protruding cattle prods.
    • Dress like Pee-Wee Herman and randomly shout “I know you are, but what am I!”
    • Begin writing the book, “1001 uses for Toilet Paper.” It won’t stop a virus, but the book profits will overcome any 401K losses.
  • Pretend to see invisible children in your home and encourage your kids to become their friend.
  • Develop your own invisible friends.
  • How about a game night? Here are some suggestions:
    • Shoots and Daggers, Apocalypse Edition
    • Hide and Seek Solitaire
    • Daggers,
    • Hungry Hungry Microbes
    • Brandy Land
    • Risk, Pandemic Version
  • And finally, WASH YOUR HANDS.

1984 author George Orwell was wrong. The government doesn’t need frequent victories in endless wars to control its people. It just needs the media to find our perpetual enemies. 

This entry was posted in Cartoon, Family, Health, Media, Society and tagged , , , , , .

The good news, abortions have dropped to just below a million a year. The bad news, abortions are just below a million a year.

Image Posted on

This entry was posted in Family, Health and tagged .

Cold hands, warm blood, cold heart

Posted on Updated on

In an era of name calling elevated to heights not seen since the New York Times called Robert E. Lee a flapdoodle foozler, one name we didn’t expect to hear in 2019 was “baby killer” yet there you are Democrats.

You’ve got to imagine they woke up the day after blocking a bill to protect a born person – otherwise known as, well, a person – thinking “#$%@, I just had the weirdest dream that I threw away my moral compass, stomped on the constitution and pandered to the fartherest of the farthest left we could go.”  Otherwise known as a Tuesday.

goodwyn Executioner lr 2-26-19

This entry was posted in Cartoon, Democrat, Family, Society and tagged , , , , , , .

So you’re telling me there’s a chance?

Image Posted on Updated on

Warren DNA lr 10-15-18

This entry was posted in Cartoon, Democrat, election, Family and tagged .

Two quotes from Kanye West

Posted on

Kanye lr

Two quotes from Kanye West:

  1. N#@$&! is monsters  / N#@$&! i is pimps / n#@$&! is players / Til n#@$&! have daughters / N#@$&! is pimps / n#@$&! is players /‘Til n#@$&! have daughters
  2. I think it’s bravery that helps you beat this game called life. You know they tried to scare me to not wear this hat. My own friends. But this hat gives me a different power in a way. You know my dad and my mom separated, so I didn’t have a lot of male energy in my home. And also I’m married to a family that, you know, not a lot of male energy going on.

For one of these, he’s considered a poet.  For the other, a crazy person who can’t read.  Guess which goes with which.

This entry was posted in Cartoon, Celebrity, Family, Media, Trump and tagged , , .

Baby Boomers’ guide to social media and communications

Posted on Updated on

You may think that us Baby Boomers are averse to social media interactions.  In reality, we’re quite active.  It just may not seem that way to millennials.   The likely reason behind that misconception is that BB’s spend time engaging is several socializing methods other than social media.   We know how terrifying face-to-face and voice communications can be, fortunately the BB’s overcame that fear at around the age of two.

So for the benefit of whippersnappers, here are some social media communication lessons for the younger generations who are willing to share the internets.

  • Speaking in emojis can get annoying.  We know sometimes it’s clever and funny but don’t get carried away.  Neanderthals wrote in emojis but they didn’t have an alphabet.  Don’t be a Neanderthal, use the alphabet.
  • We’re most likely to use Facebook than other social media platforms such as Twitter and Instagram.  They’re all the same, right?  Besides, our kids got us started on Facebook and it seems to work fine.
  • Text us if we need to see a message that day; email us for information that should be seen that week and, even though it’s very Mayberry, use an actual phone if you need an immediate response.
  • We purposely limit the amount of personal information on-line.  No one needs to know why you were compelled to go “Code Grey” at the DMV, details on your seaweed facial fiasco, or that public message to someone that really should have been a private conversation.
  • No one cares about your lunch so no need to post pictures.  Now if it’s moving, on fire or making noise, please post plenty of video.
  • If you have a desire to post pictures of Confederacy of Drones’ staff, we’ll need written permission, sample copies of the photo, a copy of your drivers license, your mother’s maiden name, and the make and model of your first car.
  • Arguing on social media is fine, in fact we encourage it.  Name calling, cussing, and typing in all caps, though, just wastes our time.  Remember, our generation goes outside occasionally and won’t spend their life on-line.  See “How do you like them apples.”
  • We don’t measure life in “likes” or the number of “friends.”  Speaking of friends,  we don’t think you know what that word really means.
Keep in mind that BB’s invented the computer and the internet.  You’re welcome.

This entry was posted in Family, Humor, Satire, Society and tagged , , , , .

A frequent missing piece in mass shootings

Image Posted on Updated on

Not Available lr

This entry was posted in Cartoon, Family, Guns, Society and tagged .