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In a bold move, Robert Mueller expanded his investigative and law enforcement powers to include the authority to read facial expressions and assess fashion statements.
Seeing the potential end to the current Russian collusion investigation, that so far has netted only post-election process violations having nothing to do with collusion, Mueller expanded his powers to include mental telepathy. Mueller explained that it was the next obvious step in the evolution of his authoritarian powers. “I’ve been given so much free reign in these investigations that sixth sense was the only possible new power to be exploited” said Mueller as he attended his weekly back-rub from CNN executives. He added that “fashion police authority was just a bonus.”
Combining telepathic knowledge of what a smirk really means with the poor fashion choice of MAGA hats put the unfortunate Convington Catholic High School students square in his cross hairs … and indictment writing pen.
In response to a reporter who accidentally asked Mueller a hard question about legal aspects of fashion indictments, the Special Counsel lead investigator replied, “And your Social Security number is what?”
The latest Washington Post/ABC poll checks the pulse of voters to determine the level of presidential buyer’s remorse. You can almost sense WaPo’s giddiness in a feature article on the poll as they highlight the worst of the Trump news and sink anything Trump-positive to the very bottom.
After you’ve read through the first 1450 words of this 1489-word article, WaPo begrudgingly gets to the most interesting poll result; Trump would beat Hillary even in the popular vote if the election were held today.
That got us to thinking how else the mainstream print outlets can spin a story toward their preconceived biases. Below are a few thoughts on how that might look.
If you listened, watched or attended the recent CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) you’d likely come away with a sense of American pride, unity and focus. If you read the mainstream media’s account or even just their headlines, you’d get quite a different story. Not only can they not help but interject bias in the news, they seem unable to avoid its intrusion in headlines. This insinuated pessimism might make one think they were referring to the dysfunction within the DNC. But no, they’ve managed to suggest that a cohesive, patriotic event was actually an exercise in turmoil, angst and equivocation. Here are a few actual headlines as examples….
Given this tendency toward hate-filled cynicism, we thought we’d contribute a few examples for the fakestream media to consider if they’re really serious about misleading through headline bias….
Ivanka’s perfume made from the tears of social justice warriors
Bannon leaks news: Wash Monument to be moved to Mexican border as part of new wall
Misogynist CPAC has no representation from ugly women
Oval Office desk replaced with folding card table and bust of Hitler
Planned parenthood offices to be walled up and then closed by national guard units as part of training for the deportation Dreamers and people who like puppies
Metal detectors at CPAC just another symbol for a “wall”
Fed US govt to be moved from Wash DC to Kansas City, MO
WH planning a pamphlet describing best ways to disenfranchise the LBGTQRST-UVWXYZ community.
Not a single left handed, bi-sexual albino at CPAC
Melania a sex slave; Baron a highly intelligent robot
Minorities spotted at CPAC presumed to be named Tom, Uncle Tom
Gluton consumption rampant at CPAC
Racist Flag unfurled at CPAC during singing of Star Spangled Banner. Referred to as “Old Glory” an obvious trigger to the elderly