A recession may well indeed be looming over the horizon… or maybe it isn’t… or maybe it is… Or maybe whatever story we get from biased politicians and biased media will include deeply embedded exaggeration, hyperbole or down-right lies to the point of making it impossible to determine what’s reality.
One thing to know for certain, politicians like to scare us because there are only two things that scare them:
- Bad news for citizens while a politician is holding office
- Good news for citizens while a politician is trying to get into office
- bad news is someone else’s good news
- bad news gets the attention
- politicians live on bad news
Ipso facto, expect to be told
“this is the most important election in our lifetime because a vote for the other candidate will lead to (fill in the blank) , all elderly being (fill in the blank) , the wholesale slaughter of (fill in the blank) and The Purge.”
So the next time you hear that all polar bears will soon spontaneously combust or we’re being invaded by axe wielding maniacal border crossers, consider the source.
We have many more personal things to worry about like shirts that constrict at the armpit. Don’t judge, it’s a thing, look it up.
Trump has so angered the Democrats that the DNC held an emergency meeting on Wednesday to review possible changes to their by-laws which, surprisingly, have no mention of rats. Due to the group’s overwhelming sympathy for what Nancy Pelosi described as ground squirrels only dumber, a resolution was brought forward to change the Democrat mascot from donkey to rat.
A heated debate ensued when Representative Nadler pointed out that Trump frequently disparages penguins and that respect for all mammals should be included. Senator Mark Warner from Virginia reminded Nadler that a penguin is a bird… and that Trump was actually calling Nadler Batman’s nemesis, the Penguin.
Into the late evening went deliberations until the members realized that the by-laws currently do not even include the donkey as the current Democrat symbol. However, since “ass” is included, a compromise was proposed by Senator Bernie Sanders to include both as symbols. This was accepted overwhelmingly at which point Representative Ocasio-Cortez added the approved text into the by-laws using goat’s blood and sorcery.
The official symbol of the Democrat National Committee is now the rat’s ass. Editorial cartoonists across the country are scrambling to figure out what one looks like.
Lucky for us, our crack staff of investigative reporters managed to catch Bob Mueller in the halls over at the Dirksen building shortly after his hearing today. There were still some unanswered questions.
me: Bob, got a second?
Bob: Huh? mumble, um, er, mumble. Excuse me while I take the marbles out of my mouth and ears.
me: The Steele dossier wasn’t on the table in today’s hearing Why?
Bob: It was a small table.
me: But the dossier led to the FISA warrants which opened the door to FBI agents who wanted to set Trump’s hair on fire and cut off his tie which led to the collusion conspiracy theories which led to the investigation which led to the reason you’re here today.
Bob: That’s totally incorrect! You have that completely backwards! The FBI agents wanted to set Trump’s tie on fire and cut off his hair.
me: But isn’t it concerning that the FBI was used as a political weapon by one campaign to get an advantage over another?
Bob: When Hillary was crowned as the Democrat’s candidate to go against Trump the only weapon they had available was her charm, good looks and stamina. It was just a case of leveling the playing field.
me: Well thanks. What’s next.
Bob: We’re all off to Nadler’s place. He promised to show us his stomach reduction scar.