Latest Event Updates
Words in the news
Who knew? Much to our surprise it’s considered a racial slur to call someone Pocahontas. Trump found that out this week after a tweet where he referred to Elizabeth Warren as Pocahontas, although that wasn’t the first time he’s done that. After back lash from this recent tweet, Trump apologized by saying, “I do regret calling her Pocahontas, because I think it’s a tremendous insult to Pocahontas.”
In related news, we didn’t have a single Pocahontas show up at our door this Halloween. There was, however, a preschooler who showed up as an old man. I was deeply offended.
Speaking of words, did you know the Japanese have a word for being worked to death. It’s Karoshi. We Americans have the antonym though, couch potato. Of course being overworked doesn’t require the English language to come up with a word, but there are a number of new words and definitions based on current events we offer up for consideration:
- pignore – turning a blind eye in Hollywood and journalism to workplace sexual assault and harassment
- taximonious – expecting the government to pay for things but not realizing where the government gets its money
- testimony – having someone’s genitals in a vice in order to gain cooperation
- Demoshat – ability to explosively crap political theater the instant a tragedy occurs
- Republisham – inability to accomplish anything even though you own both houses of Congress and the presidency
- twit – a person who relies entirely on Twitter to communicate
- clinton – the act of cheating to gain an advantage
- bernt – being cheated
- kimduldge – fueling North Korea’s nuclear ambitions through failed diplomacy
- beleech – destroying emails so you can continue to live off the country
- pootinkering – election meddling
- irangement – establishing policy that provides the Iranian government a path to nuclear weapons
- climetastic – using any change in weather as proof that the world will end unless everyone, except celebrities, reduces their carbon footprint
Enhancing the NFL experience?
Since the NFL doesn’t seem to mind players expressing their political opinions while they have a captive, paying audience, we were wondering what else the NFL might do to negatively impact the fans’ experience. Here are a few thoughts.
- AARP-sponsored cheerleaders
- playing field vibrates and scores are determined when someone randomly skitters across the goal line with the ball. All done to to ACDC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long”
- quinoa replaces meat products sold at concession stands
- games are canceled when actual snowflakes fall on the field
- each fan family is required to take home a multimillionaire player to continue the lectures re how unfair it is to live in the USA
- the 2-minute warning is replaced with the 2-minute nation admonishment
- lousy domestic swill beer is sold at $8 per warm plastic cup (oh sorry, already got that one)
- pre-chewed pretzels
- rubbery chicken tenders will actually be made of rubber
- three drink minimum
- the “Hail Mary” will be replaced with the “Allah Akbar”
- “Wear Your Own Uniform” day. All black along with masks encouraged
- ISIS sponsored give-a-ways include headless bobbleheads
- Festivus will be recognized as an official NFL holiday. Player introductions will include the airing of a grievance.
- concession stands all closed during political protests
- concession food containers will be limited to environmentally friendly banana leaves
- ESPN announcers to fist fight Jerry Jones during half time to Madonnas’ “Material Girl” (Note: Jerry wins)
Confederacy of Drones 
There’s a word for judging someone based on their race
Posted on Updated on
Main Stream News
WEEKEND UPDATE
Transcript
ANCHOR: And now for commentary on a First Lady’s focus on skin color, here’s Emily Litella.
LITELLA: I am deeply bothered by Melania constantly pointing out the race of people. Why can’t she just see people for who they are and not by the color of their skin. It’s just awful. When Melania sees skin color as a person’s defining characteristic, that’s just, well, racist!
ANCHOR: Miss Litella, excuse me.
LITELLA: Yes?
ANCHOR: Michelle Obama is the First Lady who’s hung up on skin color. Michelle, not Melania. Michelle.
LITELLA: Oh … well … that’s different. Never mind.
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This entry was posted in Cartoon, Democrat, Humor, Politics and tagged Emily Litella skit, Michelle Obama racist comment, Michelle Obama white comment.