Celebrity

Living in La La Land

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LaLa lr

Your Turn: Drone’s Groans

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A famous poet once said, “Step right up and win some crap.”  We may be paraphrasing… or maybe it wasn’t a poet.  Anyway, give us your thoughts and we’ll send you some crap.

Posted below are our tongue-in-cheek new year’s resolution suggestions for a few well known personalities.  We’re now wondering who we missed and what their resolutions are are or should be.  We’d love to hear your suggestions. Consider politicians, entertainers, eating contest champions, or those few who, justly or not, received their 15 minutes of fame in 2016.  Everyone who submits gets a chicken scratching otherwise known as an original sketch, mailed directly to you.  That’s right, art, guaranteed to be worth $0.47 … if the postage stamp wasn’t cancelled.

We left a lot of people off our list who are in dire need of some timely resolutions:  James Comey, Anthony Weiner, Matt Stonie (moon pie eating champion), Beyonce, Brad Pitt or anyone in the Trump brood.  

You can provide your thoughts directly in the comments section of the blog.  Or just email your suggested resolutions to us at confederacyofdrones@gmail.com.

Remember, humor counts – assuming anyone has a sense of humor left.  We’ll collect suggestions until New Year’s Eve and then compile the best of the bunch.

resolution

Liberals reap the low standards they sow

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rump-with-a-t

Shortly before the election, we thought Trump’s crotch grabbing talk would doom him in the Presidential election.  Immediately following the revelation that he talked nasty 11 years ago we provided you with our take on how this might impact his chances to woo the nation.  Come on, our country has standards, right?

rump

Well apparently liberal entertainers have taken our standards to a low enough level to help us cope with crass conversation.  There’s been enough crotch grabbing in concerts, on red carpets and on television to desensitize us to that type of bad behavior.  Looks like merely talking about crotch grabbing over a decade ago wasn’t enough to overcome the Democrats’ pitiful excuse for a candidate.

trump7trump5trump2trump3trump6rump1

 

Alternative movie projects for Will Ferrell

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Farrell no beard

Now that Will Ferrell has given up on his movie project featuring the hilarious high-jinks of Ronald Reagan during the Alzheimer’s years, we thought we’d offer up a few alternatives that will surely lead to thigh slapping and uncontrollable floor rolling.

  •   Follow Ghandi as his efforts to start the Eastern Chapter of Weight Watchers get uproariously mistaken for a political statement due to his all too effective diet.
  •   Little known correspondence between Hitler and FDR is revealed in this brilliant comedy as the Fuhrer promises Roosevelt free spa treatment for his legs including invigorating showers and deep-heating therapy.
  •   Return to JFK’s early life before Camelot as he works part-time selling convertibles.  “Your mind will be blown at how well anyone can scope you out as you cruise for attention” says Kennedy during one of many laugh-out-loud moments.
  •   The last few months of Steve Jobs life are chronicled in this bio pic, rom-com as the  entrepreneur searches for a cancer cure.  Hilarity ensues when he’s convinced that the proper treatment is peanut butter enemas.”
  •   Prepare to bust a gut as you watch the unsuspecting Stephen Hawking get his wheelchair hacked by two teenagers from Deerfield, Kansas.  Then follow the antics as these scamps control everything the brilliant scientists says and does.  The comedy gets even sharper as a cult-like following of the theoretical physicist develops.

If those won’t work for Mr. Ferrell – even though we’ve practically provided concise plot lines with only a few blanks left to fill in – here are other well know people along with traits he may be able to mine for comedic gold.

Ferrell table

 

Springsteen sings the bathroom choice blues

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BruceUSA

Sung to the tune of Born in the USA

Got in a bathroom jam.
Cancelled out on Greensboro, man.
North Carolina’s like a foreign land.
Said, “you gotta pee in the proper can.

 

Need the girls room to do my business in.
Want to have my own GYN.
Doc doesn’t realize that I am The Boss.
All he says is “turn your head and cough.

 
Gettin’ attention in the media.
The rest of you have a phobia.

Gotta love that CNN.
Said “go ahead, change your name to Gwen.

 
Born in the USA, with the wrong gen-italia.
Can stand up to piss and all they say is “duh.

I’m willin to be born different from men.
Willin to be born, ‘cept born again.

 

Born in the USA, with the wrong gen-italia.
I have wrong gen-italia, wrong gen-italia.

Celebrating pretenders

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Oscars

Ready or not, here comes the season of the over-hyped celebrity.  The time of year when we can’t get enough award shows that honor people who live in an alternate reality…  a fantasy world, where thinking’s not allowed, where everything is scripted.  Unless it’s not, then it’s called ad libbing and embraced as masterful shrewdness.

Now imagine that we don’t know the names of actors.  The names of people who pretend to be other people.  Who pretend to be cops, teachers, mail carriers, nurses, and plumbers.

Then imagine we honored those who’s every movement is unscripted and ad libbed.  Imagine if we knew the names of those who actually serve us, like cops, teachers, mail carriers, nurses and plumbers.