Pandering, er, I mean tours.

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Now that the presumptive presidential nominee for the Democrats knows who’s she’ll be running against, she’s going “touring” again.  First “listening” and now “breaking down barriers.”  We thought we’d offer up a few tours that will likely be high on Hillary’s list of tour topics.

  1. Kill Coal Industry Tour (unless I’m in West Virginia then Go Mountaineers Tour)

  2. Make America Average Again Tour

  3. My God, Can’t We Keep the Bimbos From Bill Tour

  4. Bernie is Such a Pussy Tour

  5. Watch Me Finish Bernie Off Like Roman Gladiator Against a Peasant Tour

  6. Never Poor Again Tour

  7. Hurry To The White House Before the Ghosts of Politics Past Come Back to Haunt Me Tour

  8. Where’s MY “Tingle-up-the-leg” Moment? Tour

  9. Can’t Blame You Bill, I’d Do Her Too Tour

  10. The Frank Underwood’s An Amatuer Tour

  11. Inappropriate Cackling Tour

  12. Pantsuit on Fire Tour

  13. Opaque Transparency Tour

  14. Transparent Opaque Tour

  15. Dammit Just Coronate Me Already Tour

Never mind, she’s already rolling along on all of these tours at once.  Let’s just call it the Tour Tour.


Alternative movie projects for Will Ferrell

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Farrell no beard

Now that Will Ferrell has given up on his movie project featuring the hilarious high-jinks of Ronald Reagan during the Alzheimer’s years, we thought we’d offer up a few alternatives that will surely lead to thigh slapping and uncontrollable floor rolling.

  •   Follow Ghandi as his efforts to start the Eastern Chapter of Weight Watchers get uproariously mistaken for a political statement due to his all too effective diet.
  •   Little known correspondence between Hitler and FDR is revealed in this brilliant comedy as the Fuhrer promises Roosevelt free spa treatment for his legs including invigorating showers and deep-heating therapy.
  •   Return to JFK’s early life before Camelot as he works part-time selling convertibles.  “Your mind will be blown at how well anyone can scope you out as you cruise for attention” says Kennedy during one of many laugh-out-loud moments.
  •   The last few months of Steve Jobs life are chronicled in this bio pic, rom-com as the  entrepreneur searches for a cancer cure.  Hilarity ensues when he’s convinced that the proper treatment is peanut butter enemas.”
  •   Prepare to bust a gut as you watch the unsuspecting Stephen Hawking get his wheelchair hacked by two teenagers from Deerfield, Kansas.  Then follow the antics as these scamps control everything the brilliant scientists says and does.  The comedy gets even sharper as a cult-like following of the theoretical physicist develops.

If those won’t work for Mr. Ferrell – even though we’ve practically provided concise plot lines with only a few blanks left to fill in – here are other well know people along with traits he may be able to mine for comedic gold.

Ferrell table


Springsteen sings the bathroom choice blues

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Sung to the tune of Born in the USA

Got in a bathroom jam.
Cancelled out on Greensboro, man.
North Carolina’s like a foreign land.
Said, “you gotta pee in the proper can.


Need the girls room to do my business in.
Want to have my own GYN.
Doc doesn’t realize that I am The Boss.
All he says is “turn your head and cough.

Gettin’ attention in the media.
The rest of you have a phobia.

Gotta love that CNN.
Said “go ahead, change your name to Gwen.

Born in the USA, with the wrong gen-italia.
Can stand up to piss and all they say is “duh.

I’m willin to be born different from men.
Willin to be born, ‘cept born again.


Born in the USA, with the wrong gen-italia.
I have wrong gen-italia, wrong gen-italia.

Frightening things you didn’t know

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While we weren’t paying attention because we’ve been so engrossed in the Republican campaign, you know, watching the my-wife-is-prettier-than-your-wife twitter war that has more in common with MTV than than the GOP, John Kerry attended an interesting meeting.  Kerry does look a little like Gomer Pyle so it seems fitting to offer up a “surprise, surprise, surprise” that during his recent visit to Havana, Cuba, he met with…wait for it… a terrorist organization.

If you’ve never heard of FARC, don’t feel bad, very few have, at least very few who live north of Cuba.  FARC is the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Columbia (or in Spanish,  Fuerzas Armadas Revolucionarias de Colombia).  A terrorist organization that has waged war with Colombia for many years.  They’re well financed through wholesome endeavors such as kidnapping, extortion, and drug trafficking.  In fact, they’re one of the largest drug traffickers in the world.  Their unique brand of capitalism aside, they also rape and murder.  That nasty murdering thing is likely why the US has had them listed as a terrorist organization for the past 20 years.  

FARC, backed by Castro’s Cuba, has an ongoing battle with the Colombian government and the people of Colombia.   And now, in an attempt to create a legacy, any legacy, the Obama administration is giving legitimacy to FARC to encourage a peace deal.  A peace deal that has been in the works for years with no positive results.  Who knew you that you can’t negotiate with terrorists.

Don’t think this legitimizes FARC?  Consider FARC’s latest chest puffing announcement pointed out by Mary Anastasia O’Grady’s article in the Wall Street Journal : “We hope that as a consequence, we are recognized as a political force committed to the expansion of democracy and social progress in Colombia.”

If there’s progress towards peace, it’ll include little cost to FARC other than meaningless promises, if they get their way.  As stated in a recent edition of Foreign Policy, FARC could be removed from the terrorist list and arrest warrants suspended against FARC leaders (at last count there were at least 60 FARC members with U.S. grand jury indictments against them and for whom the U.S. Department of Justice has standing extradition requests to the Colombian government).

FARC wants to be considered a political force in Colombia with no consequences for their horrific actions.  If Colombia bows, that’s not compromise, that’s surrender.


A tomb and a newspaper

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If you happen to take the Washington Post you’ll notice something so obviously missing in the Easter Sunday edition that you’ll doubt your calendar.  Not a single mention of Easter in this national newspaper except for a reference to it in the Metro Section in an article associated with foot washing.  It wasn’t worthy of the national news section, nor the international news section, nor the style section, nor sports, nor opinion.  One article in Metro.

Maybe their own calendar is broken.

A little KKK history

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In today’s election climate, there’s little that the opposite sides of the political spectrum can agree on.  Fortunately most do agree that the history of the KKK is filled with horrific violence, unseemly doctrine, and a racist philosophy that has no place in American culture.  What most don’t seem to understand though is the political history of the KKK.

For example, most don’t know that the KKK was actually started by Democrats.  Its members waged war using intimidation and violence, targeting black and white Republicans.  It’s unlikely that’s taught in public schools or during Democrat party get-out-the-vote efforts.  In fact, dig a little deeper and you’ll find that the very first KKK Grand Wizard once said:

“I have never voted for any man who was not a regular Democrat.

He said that because the Republican party, the party of Abraham Lincoln, was founded with a goal of fighting slavery.  Many famous and influential people in the history of this nation were proud Republicans, and many were also black.  Frederick Douglas, for example, said:

“I am a Republican, a black, dyed in the wool Republican, and I never intend to belong to any party than the party of freedom and progress.”

Here are a few other important points as we move through history:

  • Gun control and racism have been linked for many years with the Democrats playing a big role in an effort to disarm minorities.
  • Democrats wrote the Jim Crow laws that segregated the south.
  • George Wallace, Democrat Governor of Alabama, famously stood in the doorway of the University of Alabama to prevent black students from enrolling.  He unleashed fire hoses and police dogs on peaceful black protesters.  He was clearly a staunch segregationist, stating:

“Segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever.”

  • Here’s a classy gem from Lyndon Johnson, Democrat President of the United States.

“I’ll have those (derogatory term) voting Democrat for the next 200 years.”

  • Harry Truman, Democrat President of the United States, a Klansman.
  • Robert Byrd, Democrat Senator from West Virginia organized a chapter of the KKK, lead that chapter and was later elected “Exalted Cyclops.”  We’re not sure what that title means but it either refers to a high ranking KKK position or he had no depth perception.

The reason we got to the point today where the KKK is even being discussed in the media, in spite of its paltry and insignificant membership, is because David Duke said one thing positive about Donald Trump.  By the way, Duke did not endorse Trump.  In fact he said he didn’t trust Trump due to his connections with Israel.

By the way David Duke is a long time Democrat and ran for several offices as a Democrat.

Racism is a shameful mark on the history of this nation and although huge strides have been made, there’s no doubt that we have a chance to continue moving in the right direction.  Maybe it’s time for the Democrats to start accepting responsibility for their own contributions to the horrific history of racism and injustice.  That chance, though, is likely zero.

Hillary’s finding her message

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Todays Campaign

Hillary may be finally honing in on just the right language to appease the remote left.  Bernie has certainly aided her with his free stuff message, but she’s also done well vilifying the right.  The bad, racist, misogynist, and greedy right.  Stay tuned for her to make hay with the Senate’s refusal to consider Judge Garland’s nomination.  Absent in that discussion will be the play book on judicial nominee stonewalling written by Joe Biden, Barack Obama, Ted Kennedy, Dick Durbin and Chuck Schumer.  We even have a new verb coined by democrats to summarize the process, to “bork.”

Absent in her message is anything on national security.  She and her supporters would disagree with that though.  After all the greatest threat, according to that distant left thinking mindset, is climate change.