Cartoon
Apologies please
Comey expecting an apology after his integrity collapse was like John Wilkes Booth expecting Ford’s Theatre to apologize because the balcony was too high. We scoured historical records to come up with the greatest examples of ego-driven apology requests, or at least those as we recalled them:
- Hillary voters and their apology request from the pharmaceutical companies for not finding a cure for the embarrassing itch of TDS.
- Harvey Weinstein’s request for an apology from Hollywood actresses for taking advantage of his connections.
- Never-Trumpers need an apology from the DNC for putting up such a horrible presidential candidate to run against Trump.
- Bill Clinton’s need for an apology from the U.S. House for his impeachment. It was perjury. It’s not like he was weaponizing the government against another candidate.
- Hillary needs an apology from EVERYONE for ruining her presidential coronation. Perhaps someday we’ll write a four part post in tabular form listing each of those who owe her an apology and the reasons why.
- Jeffrey Epstein needs an apology from MADP (Mothers Against Drunk Perverts) for wanting chaperones on the Lolita Express.
- U.S. Rep. Hank Johnson needs an apology from God for building Guam so it could tip over.
- Obama needs an apology from Biden for running for president and helping to ruin BO’s legacy.
The Obamas buy a quaint cottage on the coast
The Obamas spent lavishly for a new home that previously served as their vacation getaway. With the resulting carbon footprint for a mansion of this size, we’re certain the former first family is struggling to identify appropriate offsets, you know, since the fate of the planet is in the balance.
Fortunately, Barrack and Michelle are in the process of taking significant steps to ward off total planetary destruction. To ensure we had the most timely information possible, the Obamas provided the following list of carbon cutting steps to us via an Airbus 380.
- Forced electric shock therapy for CNN anchors will be reduced to two nights a week.
- Secret service personnel will begin taking shifts riding the power generating bicycle.
- On Tuesday’s, only the deep end of the pool will be heated.
- Barrack and Michelle promise to fly together for grocery shopping trips to Hawaii.
- Instead of charcoal for the charcoal pit, the chef’s will burn Biden-for-President signs.
- Ice from the fjords of Norway will no longer be flown to Martha’s Vineyard to chill the Armand de Brignac Champagne. Instead the Obama’s will take the champagne to Norway.
The Obamas must have complete confidence that these actions will result in significant carbon reductions. How else could you explain buying a retirement mansion on the ocean. You know, the ocean that will rise and wipe out humanity in only a few years.
Meet the next boogeyman – a recession
A recession may well indeed be looming over the horizon… or maybe it isn’t… or maybe it is… Or maybe whatever story we get from biased politicians and biased media will include deeply embedded exaggeration, hyperbole or down-right lies to the point of making it impossible to determine what’s reality.
One thing to know for certain, politicians like to scare us because there are only two things that scare them:
- Bad news for citizens while a politician is holding office
- Good news for citizens while a politician is trying to get into office
Which means
- bad news is someone else’s good news
- bad news gets the attention
- politicians live on bad news
Ipso facto, expect to be told
“this is the most important election in our lifetime because a vote for the other candidate will lead to (fill in the blank) , all elderly being (fill in the blank) , the wholesale slaughter of (fill in the blank) and The Purge.”
So the next time you hear that all polar bears will soon spontaneously combust or we’re being invaded by axe wielding maniacal border crossers, consider the source.
We have many more personal things to worry about like shirts that constrict at the armpit. Don’t judge, it’s a thing, look it up.
Confederacy of Drones 