The Obamas buy a quaint cottage on the coast
The Obamas spent lavishly for a new home that previously served as their vacation getaway. With the resulting carbon footprint for a mansion of this size, we’re certain the former first family is struggling to identify appropriate offsets, you know, since the fate of the planet is in the balance.
Fortunately, Barrack and Michelle are in the process of taking significant steps to ward off total planetary destruction. To ensure we had the most timely information possible, the Obamas provided the following list of carbon cutting steps to us via an Airbus 380.
- Forced electric shock therapy for CNN anchors will be reduced to two nights a week.
- Secret service personnel will begin taking shifts riding the power generating bicycle.
- On Tuesday’s, only the deep end of the pool will be heated.
- Barrack and Michelle promise to fly together for grocery shopping trips to Hawaii.
- Instead of charcoal for the charcoal pit, the chef’s will burn Biden-for-President signs.
- Ice from the fjords of Norway will no longer be flown to Martha’s Vineyard to chill the Armand de Brignac Champagne. Instead the Obama’s will take the champagne to Norway.
The Obamas must have complete confidence that these actions will result in significant carbon reductions. How else could you explain buying a retirement mansion on the ocean. You know, the ocean that will rise and wipe out humanity in only a few years.
A cure for all social ills from the Washington Post
Thanks to the latest Washington Post Arts and Style section (Sunday 11/22/15), there’s a sure fire way to treat all social ills that occur within our racist, sexist, climate denier and islamaphobic America. We’ve conveniently hit the high spots below so you can quickly determine which books are for you based on your unhinged inner turmoil that either needs to be corrected if you’re a racist, sexist, etc. or enhanced if you don’t feel guilty enough. In some cases we’ve included snippets of their mini-summaries, let’s call them micro-summaries, so you can target your own individual needs.
This is just a subset of the many books the Washington Post highlighted covering a wide range of topics. We don’t doubt that many of those we’ve listed deserves high praise. But as a collection it’s an overwhelming showcase of a liberal agenda.
Arms: The Culture and Credo of Guns “…gun owners, along with their culture and rhetoric, ‘have grown more radical’ leaving ‘anyone who breaks ranks’ as a ‘traitor to the cause.’”
Stoned: A Doctor’s Case for Medical Marijuana
Application for Release from the Dream “…the voice is witheringly clear-sighted about contemporary American life. The poems address large-scale topics – financial inequities, consumerism – …”
The Emperor of Water Clocks “A rich, multilayered book that combines threads of fable, literature, music and cultural references… Other poems – about tensions in the street after Ferguson and President Obama reading works of Derek Walcott … ground readers in the present.”
ISIS: The State of Terror “It paints a picture of the Islamic State … but does not portray ISIS as ‘an existential threat to any Western country.’”
Give us the Ballot: The Modern Struggle for Voting Rights in America “…the struggle to pass the Voting Rights Act … and the ongoing effort to strip the act of its power.”
March: Book Two “This twinning assault on the senses drives home the toll of the sacrifices that should inform today’s protesters, from Black Lives Matter to the University of Missouri.”
The Gay Revolution: The Story of the Struggle
Ghettoside: A True Story of Murder in America “It’s no secret that America has a problem with black-on-black violence but what Leovy understands is why.”
Purity “Pip accepts an internship with a rogue Web site in the jungles of Bolivia that exposes the nasty secrets of corporations and nations.”
Welcome to Braggsville “D’aron and three friends travel back to Braggsville and stage a mock lynching, “a performance intervention.”
Between the World and Me “… is a riveting meditation on the state of race in America that has arrive at a tumultuous moment in the nation’s history of racial strife.”
Showdown: Thurgood Marshall and the Supreme Court Nomination that Changed America
Negroland “… is not about raw racism … it is about subtleties and nuances, presumptions and slights that chip away at one’s humanity and take a mental toll.”
The Nuns of Sant’Ambrogio: The True Story of Convent in Scandal “Sister Maria Luisa was intelligent, charismatic and beautiful. She was also a rapist, embezzler, murderer – and, when her crimes came to light in 1858, a serious threat to the Vatican.”
The Only Woman in the Room: Why Science is Still a Boys’ Club
The Pentagon’s Brain: An Uncensored History of DARPA, America’s Top-Secret Military Research Agency “… sometimes uneasy exploration of DARPA, the high-tech incubator responsible for … the research behind harsh interrogation techniques …”
The Dying Grass: A Novel of the Nez Perce War “… an American tragedy with all the unforgiving climates of our nation.”
Town, a Civil Rights Battle
Golden Age “… the story of the transformation of white middle America … how they witness the imminent destruction of the planet.”
The Unfortunates “… a brilliant social satire of life among the 1 percent of the 1 percent.” “A trenchant vision of American aristocracy.”
Sisters in Law: How Sandra Day O’Connor and Ruther Bader Ginsburg Went to the Supreme Court and Changed the World