Bernie Sanders, in desperation to secure the Democrat nomination for President, is busy making deals. Late last Friday, Sanders, and members of the Lake Champlain Bernie Bro chapter gathered at one of Sander’s homes for a disturbing ritual.
The horrific event, intended to facilitate a bargain with the Angel of Darkness, was gruesome. It was even more disturbing than bladder-buster night at Loose Interns Bar and Grill.
In preparation for the evening’s call to Lucifer, Sanders attended the Frothington Hill Women’s Democrat Club during their semi-annual Trashing-of-Melania barbeque and cakewalk. With the offer of an endless buffet, Sanders successfully coaxed ladies to participate in a virgin sacrifice, including test runs.
False idols made of gold and old white men
To adorn Sanders’ ceremonial altar, Bernie Bros created a golden donkey statue, formed from melting down two of the candidate’s toilet seats. Sanders added a Che Guevara flag as a backdrop which, as noted by the surviving test-run virgins, brought out the socialist red in Bernie’s eyes.
At last, all was ready.
If enthusiasm, optimism, and energy were the measure of success, the night would have been triumphant. Alas, the King of Hell was a no show. During the After-Action Review, Sanders questioned the authenticity of the rite.
Especially when it became clear that the attendees were unfamiliar with the meaning of the words “woman” and “virgin.”
Sanders’ nomination hopes now need even bolder measures taken.
Bernie Bros couldn’t contact Santa Claus for another eight months. Oprah was busy readying Michelle Obama for a late run at the nomination. Leprechauns never left Dublin this year. And Independence Day had nothing to offer except for something called patriotism. Which is useless during a Democrat nominating process.
The last hope was the Easter Bunny. Bernie Bro chapters coast-to-coast conducted an exhaustive search and finally, the famed rabbit was found. The resulting meeting cemented a deal that satisfied both parties. In return for the rabbit securing the required number of delegates, Sanders provided him with the golden donkey and two of the spared virgins.
On Easter morning, however, Joe Biden continued to hold a commanding lead in delegates. In a surprise to Sanders, it turned out that Biden’s “Easter Bunny” was just an inebriated guy they found on Bourbon Street wearing a rabbit costume.
And just like that, Covid-19 becomes a pandemic and the Trump Derangement Syndrome media hates hope. Forgotten are the melodic sounds of our media bootlicking Obama’s hope and change message. A message that was about as intangible as the fourth estate’s objectiveness.
With Obama now a mere memory, all that’s left is the occasional Obama Netflix appearance and Beyonce’s recollections of the White House Annual Scoffing of the Commoner Festival.
In the familiar obsessive-girlfriend-gone-vengeful movie theme, Barrack is the adored love interest with the media playing the infatuated, awkward girl. As he flees out the back door following almost a decade of thrills up the leg, without so much as a “thank-you ma’am”, in comes Donald Trump.
Three years into Trump’s first term, the world is introduced to Covid-19. Potentially the worst pandemic in our lifetime. Trump’s the-only-thing-we-have-to-fear-is-fear-itself hopeful bravado unleashes the media’s fury not seen since Carrie’s high school prom, only messier.
Trump is making the media mad because he is taking his message directly to the American people. Making it that much harder for the media to lie about that message.
Apparently hope against the Coronavirus, a known enemy having known consequences, is too discernable to be allowed. From inner-party headquarters, aka the DNC, comes the unambiguous directive that news-speak will no longer allow the word or concept of “hope” (unless it’s the hope that can’t be measured and is best contemplated during a Woodstock acid trip).
The media must now unleash its greatest weapon, the headline.
Daily, headlines come across our newsfeeds that grab only a fraction of our attention which is otherwise occupied with America’s Worst Cooks and Enhanced Housewives of Silicon Valley. That fraction, however, is enough to tattoo the underlying message to our subconscious.
With no expectation that their readership will actually read the article, the media feels free to message with the headline alone, as long as some of the words in the headline also appear in the accompanying article.
Here are a few headlines, followed by a more accurate description of the article’s text.
Hope-less From Vox on 3/24:
|“The Fox News moment that revealed a dangerously confused president”||Trump would love to see the country return to a more normal way of life.|
To be fair, the words “that” and “a” from Vox’s headline appear multiple times in the article.
Hope-less From Time Magazine on 3/24:
|“Arizona Man Dies After Taking Chemical in Coronavirus Treatment”||Arizona man dies after swallowing fish tank cleaner|
Time, a journalism magazine, didn’t even “journalism” to find out why he did that.
Hope-less From The New York Times on 3/23:
|“Trump has Given Unusual Leeway to Fauci, but Aides Say He’s Losing His Patience”||President Trump Listens to and gets along well with Dr. Fauci, says Dr. Fauci|
Finally, Abraham Zapruder’s 8mm film is no longer the most ever analyzed piece of video.
A recorded Coronavirus Task Force briefing now has that distinction.
The journalists at The Daily Mail reviewed this briefing to discover that Dr. Fauci may have smirked. Stop the presses, it’s investigative reportin’ time.
With the latest in electron microscopy, The Daily Mail was able to confirm a facial expression revealing apparent disdain, disregard, dislike and utter disappointment in the President from the distinguished doctor. Is it not possible he found the President’s levity amusing? Not according to the hope-less media.
Daily Mail’s 3/20 headline:
|“Dr. Anthony Fauci facepalms and rolls his eyes as President Trump rants about the ‘deep state’ during coronavirus press conference.” |
Subheadline “Coronavirus Task Force doctor Anthony Fauci appeared to roll his eyes and smirk at President Trump during a press conference Friday.”
|We all need a little humor. Dr. Fauci smiles at a joke Trump tells during a Coronavirus task force meeting. A joke which was actually quite amusing.|
FDR was half right, the only thing we have to fear is the media itself.