Lucky for us, our crack staff of investigative reporters managed to catch Bob Mueller in the halls over at the Dirksen building shortly after his hearing today. There were still some unanswered questions.
me: Bob, got a second?
Bob: Huh? mumble, um, er, mumble. Excuse me while I take the marbles out of my mouth and ears.
me: The Steele dossier wasn’t on the table in today’s hearing Why?
Bob: It was a small table.
me: But the dossier led to the FISA warrants which opened the door to FBI agents who wanted to set Trump’s hair on fire and cut off his tie which led to the collusion conspiracy theories which led to the investigation which led to the reason you’re here today.
Bob: That’s totally incorrect! You have that completely backwards! The FBI agents wanted to set Trump’s tie on fire and cut off his hair.
me: But isn’t it concerning that the FBI was used as a political weapon by one campaign to get an advantage over another?
Bob: When Hillary was crowned as the Democrat’s candidate to go against Trump the only weapon they had available was her charm, good looks and stamina. It was just a case of leveling the playing field.
me: Well thanks. What’s next.
Bob: We’re all off to Nadler’s place. He promised to show us his stomach reduction scar.
We’re not sure it’s necessarily a winning strategy, but there stands good ol’ Joe at the betting window putting everything on the Obama legacy.
It might be a feel-good thing to do. He did spent eight years being Obama’s biggest cheerleader, taking only momentary breaks to nuzzle necks and hair. But recycling anything that remotely sounds like the Obama-ism “if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor” such as “if you like your health care plan you can keep it“ seems like a campaign strategy closer to nuzzling nuclear waste than to winning.
At least he didn’t say “I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”