Two quotes from Kanye West:
- N#@$&! is monsters / N#@$&! i is pimps / n#@$&! is players / Til n#@$&! have daughters / N#@$&! is pimps / n#@$&! is players /‘Til n#@$&! have daughters
- I think it’s bravery that helps you beat this game called life. You know they tried to scare me to not wear this hat. My own friends. But this hat gives me a different power in a way. You know my dad and my mom separated, so I didn’t have a lot of male energy in my home. And also I’m married to a family that, you know, not a lot of male energy going on.
For one of these, he’s considered a poet. For the other, a crazy person who can’t read. Guess which goes with which.
Democrats seem to be on a perpetual celebration of Festivus and it’s airing of grievances. The country’s been winning lately but those on the left see only defeat. Kavanaugh, Gorsuch, unemployment, a receding ISIS, North Korea, NAFTA, tax cuts, military, Iran deal, and for the first time in 10 years, your chances of being be-headed has been reduced.
But of course there’s also the bad, such as tweet storms, lying, and Omarosa. At least the media aren’t complicit in the lying. Emboldened journalists everywhere are more than eager to set Trump straight on his most flimsiest lies. “The greatest economy ever?! Ha! What about Dover, Delaware in 1877!? Now that was a great economy!”
It becomes quickly apparent that anything good for the country sets their version of grieving in motion. We bring you the Democrats’ stages of grief. And by “grief” we don’t mean things worthy of grief. We’re talking about circumstances that most everyone else would consider good news. But good news for the country means bad news for the Democrats. We’ll throw in the Presidential Emergency Alert only because many liberals balled themselves up into the fetal position because of the scary noise.
- Shock (that they’d have to tolerate something that doesn’t fit their Utopia)
- Disbelief (that by being shocked the circumstance wasn’t immediately reversed)
- Melt Down (over having to demonstrate independence)
- Tantrum (when their every need isn’t being met by the government)
- Anger (to ensure everyone knows of the outrage)
- Evolution (of lies to counter sane people pointing out their flawed sensibilities)
- Mob (mentality because nothing gets people on your side like destruction)
- Shock (that destruction turned people against you)
- Disbelief (that their stages of grief haven’t worked)
- Melt Down (that they have to think for themselves)
- etc, etc, etc.
We should mention that at any one of these stages, liberals may be forced to make funny hats and silly costumes.
Paul McCartney, in an effort to become relevant again, has finally gotten on the Trump Hate Train. After all it’s what the cool kids are doing these days. We thought we’d try our own version of a musical lecture.
Hey Dude, don’t be afraid
You were made to sing songs – not politic
The minute you let Trump under your skin
Then you begin to let him win
Anytime you feel the pain, hey Dude, refrain
Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders
Just know that Trump’s a fool who plays it cool
By making this world a little better
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah
Hey Dude, don’t let me down
You have found a cause, now go and get it
Remember, don’t ride your jet to far
Then you can start to fix the climate
So let it out and let it in, hey Dude, begin
You’re waiting for someone to say you’re relevant
And don’t you know that it’s just you, hey Dude, you’ll do
Your movement is on Hollywood’s shoulder
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah yeah
Hey Dude, don’t make it bad
Take a sad song and make it radical
Remember don’t let Trump under your skin
Then you’ll begin to make it
Better better better better better better, oh
The Washington Post, never one to shy away from blaming Trump whenever possible, may have jumped the shark this week. Their editorial board has declared Trump complicit in hurricane Florence. Obama was more complicit in be-headings than Trump could possibly be in a hurricane.
If the Post is looking for other equally preposterous things for which Trump is deserving of blame, we offer the line-up below. Well, the Omarosa thing, yea, that one’s squarely at his feet.
- the 1969 Mets
- Woody Allen
- restrictor plates at Talledaga
- the classy love affair between Strzok and Page
- Gamecock Football
- the death of Frank Zappa
- 3-clasp bra hooks
- US heat wave of 1934
- dark stars
- poisonous mushrooms that look tasty
- the heartbreak of psoriasis
- cable TV going out last night in Buford, Wyoming
- Angela Merkel’s failed diets
- the broken bridge rail in Chappaquiddick
- the ice age
- Mario Van Peebles acting range
- rise of Nazi Germany
- fall of Nazi Germany
- Madonna and Abba
- JFK and Lee Harvey Oswald killings
- making most women secretly attracted to Melania
- Daylight Savings Time
- every girl that told Ted Cruz she just wanted to be friends
- English food
- San Fransisco sanitation
- Apollo 13
- cruising in the left lane
- Godfather III
- rationed airplane peanuts
- Hollywood movie recycling
- setting Millennial’s expectations too high with rise in middle class incomes and record number of jobs available
Our illustration above was too funny not to make a full cartoon out of it.