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From all of us here at Confederacy of Drones, have a great Memorial Day and remember why we take time this time out of our busy schedules.
Following endless searches by the best IT professionals that the Confederacy of Drones could find, the lost trove of emails, thought long ago wiped by Hillary Clinton, have emerged. The exclusive content is right here. Enjoy
RE: IT Services Request
Again, we have no interest in giving referrals for IT folks!
Don’t contact again.
Got your request for embassy security upgrades. Thinking white drapes with a few nice splashes of pink. It’s a very calming color.
At this point, what difference does it make?
It’s was a PANTSUIT!
If you thought Barry was going to flexible with Vlad, you haven’t seen anything yet. Hang in there with me until after the election and I’ll show you Cirque du Soleil meets the Mustang Ranch flexible.
Luv to all my WS buds.
RE: Clinton Foundation Receipts
My dearest Sultan,
Thanks for the donation of $3,000,000 for the Clinton Foundation. I was a little surprised that there was postage due though. Please remit an additional 0.27 cents in the form of check or money order. Political favors don’t grow on trees, you know.
With deepest bow,
RE: Nigerian Request for Urgent Business Relationship
Dear Prince Bajuel:
You’re email was an unexpected surprise. Yes, I would very much be interested in handling Nigerian money that you are having difficulty moving from your country, for a fee as you suggested. And yes, I have ways of keeping this confidential.
Please send information as soon as possible.
My Dearest EBrats,
Give me a little room then afterwards we can hit the reset. Safe spaces and microagression enforcement will BE the Hillary presidency.
Here to coddle,
Like Slim Pickens in “Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb” the Republicans might as well hold on, enjoy the ride and act excited about what their doing.
Now that the presumptive presidential nominee for the Democrats knows who’s she’ll be running against, she’s going “touring” again. First “listening” and now “breaking down barriers.” We thought we’d offer up a few tours that will likely be high on Hillary’s list of tour topics.
Kill Coal Industry Tour (unless I’m in West Virginia then Go Mountaineers Tour)
Make America Average Again Tour
My God, Can’t We Keep the Bimbos From Bill Tour
Bernie is Such a Pussy Tour
Watch Me Finish Bernie Off Like Roman Gladiator Against a Peasant Tour
Never Poor Again Tour
Hurry To The White House Before the Ghosts of Politics Past Come Back to Haunt Me Tour
Where’s MY “Tingle-up-the-leg” Moment? Tour
Can’t Blame You Bill, I’d Do Her Too Tour
The Frank Underwood’s An Amatuer Tour
Inappropriate Cackling Tour
Pantsuit on Fire Tour
Opaque Transparency Tour
Transparent Opaque Tour
Dammit Just Coronate Me Already Tour
Never mind, she’s already rolling along on all of these tours at once. Let’s just call it the Tour Tour.
Now that Will Ferrell has given up on his movie project featuring the hilarious high-jinks of Ronald Reagan during the Alzheimer’s years, we thought we’d offer up a few alternatives that will surely lead to thigh slapping and uncontrollable floor rolling.
- Follow Ghandi as his efforts to start the Eastern Chapter of Weight Watchers get uproariously mistaken for a political statement due to his all too effective diet.
- Little known correspondence between Hitler and FDR is revealed in this brilliant comedy as the Fuhrer promises Roosevelt free spa treatment for his legs including invigorating showers and deep-heating therapy.
- Return to JFK’s early life before Camelot as he works part-time selling convertibles. “Your mind will be blown at how well anyone can scope you out as you cruise for attention” says Kennedy during one of many laugh-out-loud moments.
- The last few months of Steve Jobs life are chronicled in this bio pic, rom-com as the entrepreneur searches for a cancer cure. Hilarity ensues when he’s convinced that the proper treatment is peanut butter enemas.”
- Prepare to bust a gut as you watch the unsuspecting Stephen Hawking get his wheelchair hacked by two teenagers from Deerfield, Kansas. Then follow the antics as these scamps control everything the brilliant scientists says and does. The comedy gets even sharper as a cult-like following of the theoretical physicist develops.
If those won’t work for Mr. Ferrell – even though we’ve practically provided concise plot lines with only a few blanks left to fill in – here are other well know people along with traits he may be able to mine for comedic gold.
Sung to the tune of Born in the USA
Got in a bathroom jam.
Cancelled out on Greensboro, man.
North Carolina’s like a foreign land.
Said, “you gotta pee in the proper can.”
Need the girls room to do my business in.
Want to have my own GYN.
Doc doesn’t realize that I am The Boss.
All he says is “turn your head and cough.”
Gettin’ attention in the media.
The rest of you have a phobia.
Gotta love that CNN.
Said “go ahead, change your name to Gwen.“
Born in the USA, with the wrong gen-ital–ia.
Can stand up to piss and all they say is “duh.“
I’m willin’ to be born different from men.
Willin’ to be born, ‘cept born again.
Born in the USA, with the wrong gen-ital–ia.
I have wrong gen-ital–ia, wrong gen-ital–ia.