With malice toward none and charity…FOR US
Here are the Confederacy of Drones 2017 New Year’s Resolutions.
Extended warranties and lies
When’s the last time you purchased an electronic device and while at the check-out counter you were asked if you’d like the extended coverage? “For an additional $50 you can insure your device for two years.” Like most people we pass on that extra expense. The logic goes like this: if I continue to forgo this cost, I’ll save enough over the history of my purchases to cover the eventual moment when the cat uses the laptop as a litterbox.
Lying can be just like that. How many lies perpetrated successfully make it worth the risk if you only get caught once or twice?
Telling the truth is like buying the extended warranty coverage. It may require an immediate price but it provides longer term assurance that it won’t cost you in a much bigger way later.
Every time Hillary opens her mouth she seems pre-programmed to lie. If caught it’s just a miss-remembered event, a concussion-induced memory lapse, a poorly worded answer, stupid people that didn’t understand her or a what-difference-at-this-point-does-it-make moment.
Perhaps Hillary should begin investing in integrity’s extended warranty program and become pathological at telling the truth.
Hillary to remain silent
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In light of her recent difficulties with factual statements, Hillary Clinton has offered up a unique debate format that’s sure to please her Democrat supporters. The Clinton camp has suggested that Hillary remain silent during the first Presidential debate between her and Donald Trump.
Appearing on this past Sun-day’s Face The Nation, a lower level operative in the Clinton campaign confirmed that the Democrat Presidential nominee has opted for the silent treatment. This was quickly applauded by the media. George Stephanopoulos noted that the approach allows for more hon-est-appearing news coverage. At a recent Clinton’s Righteously Inspired Media Elation (CRIME) rally the “Fourth Estate” unanimously applauded the bold move, with many noting that it was much easier to interpret an eye roll rather than an ambiguous statement like “I didn’t have classified material on my home server.”
“We’re much better at interpreting the vast intricacies of body language than we are at interpreting what’s meant through verbal communications”, stated Stephanopoulos following his shift as CRIME turd polisher.
This would appear to be a win-win strategy given the propensity of her opponent for being his own worst enemy. Inspired by the news, Trump immediately held a press conference and stated, “Bulieve me, it’’ll be great, it’ll be fantastic and I know about being fantastic. By the way, you’re welcome. It’s not everyone that can get Crooked Hillary to shut up.”
Confederacy of Drones received an exclusive preview of the debate format guidelines. Although Clinton will not actually speak, this table provides guidance on noises and body language allowed.
Clear political positions are established
Just exactly where are we going. Only time will tell. Consider the poem by Arthur Guiterman.
“On the Vanity of Earthly Greatness
The tusks which clashed in mighty brawls
Of mastodons, are billiard balls.
The sword of Charlemagne the Just
Is Ferric Oxide, known as rust.
The grizzly bear, whose potent hug,
Was feared by all, is now a rug.
Great Caesar’s bust is on the shelf,
And I don’t feel so well myself.”
― Arthur Guiterman
To put this in a more short term perspective, we offer:
“You feel as though we’re likely doomed,
because a showdown shortly looms.
Your cheer, though, follows your bodily health,
but I’m not feeling so well myself.”
– Confederacy of Drones
The Confederacy of Drones is taking a short vacation. First stop is Seattle and it’s clear that there’s no escaping politics. They’ve even built a statue to Hillary’s baggage.
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