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The other border crossers

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Caution lr

Perhaps one way to encourage the Democrats to begin caring about illegal border crossings is for Trump to declare July 4th as Opioid Open Border Day.  We think that’d be a twofer.  One, liberals would demand Trump do something about the porous border, and two,… they’d instantly find patriotism.

Liberals appear to determine their freak-out issue of the day by one of two means.  Either their outrage is calibrated based on what Trump does and hence they must move 180 degrees in opposition, or, and more frequently, they’ve been caught in a scandal, and require a deflection-issue.  Take for example the Horowitz’s Congressional testimony which brought to light at least four FBI personnel involved in the Hillary and Trump investigations with extreme biases for Hillary and against Trump.  We’d call that a monumental scandal.

Apparently though, today’s shiny object for the media is Melania’s-raincoat-message scandal.  Maybe they got bored showing pictures of children caged during Obama’s administration.

 

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The language of DC

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Duck lr

Clear bias on the part of the FBI while investigating Clinton and then Trump is spelled out in the Horowitz report … but the report concludes that no documented evidence of bias could be linked directly to decisions made during the investigation.  Is it the legal system or the DC system that struggles with the obvious.  No rational person could read the text messages between named and unnamed FBI personnel and think that bias isn’t in play.  I guess the emphasis is on the word “documented.”  It would have been interesting if the conclusion stated that

Although no documented bias was identified, they certainly loved Hillary and hated Trump and had the power, either subtly or overtly, to swing both investigations in the precise directions they eventually turned.  What the $#%& was the FBI thinking?

So Mueller’s process for determining who should have high ranking authority in both investigations certainly must have been interesting.

Mueller:  Team, I’ll need to select individuals to head up investigations that will have far reaching impacts on this country.  A country, by the way, that many people actually love.  

Strzok:  Sir, I believe I can provide integrity in any investigation whether it involves Queen Hillary (Strzok bows deeply) or that vile Trump (Strzok appears to come close to vomiting but instead makes a hacking noise like a cat dislodging a hairball).

Mueller:  That’s the kind of commitment I like to see.  Let me ask you a question though.  If Trump was on fire, would you pour gasoline or jet fuel on him?

Strzok:  Sir, I believe that’s a trick question.  I would have poured gasoline on him before lighting him on fire.  

Mueller:  Committed and intelligent, I like it!  You’re hired.  And remember, when you see Hillary, no eye contact.  We don’t want to do anything that would appear disrespectful to our next president.

Baby Boomers’ guide to social media and communications

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You may think that us Baby Boomers are averse to social media interactions.  In reality, we’re quite active.  It just may not seem that way to millennials.   The likely reason behind that misconception is that BB’s spend time engaging is several socializing methods other than social media.   We know how terrifying face-to-face and voice communications can be, fortunately the BB’s overcame that fear at around the age of two.

So for the benefit of whippersnappers, here are some social media communication lessons for the younger generations who are willing to share the internets.

  • Speaking in emojis can get annoying.  We know sometimes it’s clever and funny but don’t get carried away.  Neanderthals wrote in emojis but they didn’t have an alphabet.  Don’t be a Neanderthal, use the alphabet.
  • We’re most likely to use Facebook than other social media platforms such as Twitter and Instagram.  They’re all the same, right?  Besides, our kids got us started on Facebook and it seems to work fine.
  • Text us if we need to see a message that day; email us for information that should be seen that week and, even though it’s very Mayberry, use an actual phone if you need an immediate response.
  • We purposely limit the amount of personal information on-line.  No one needs to know why you were compelled to go “Code Grey” at the DMV, details on your seaweed facial fiasco, or that public message to someone that really should have been a private conversation.
  • No one cares about your lunch so no need to post pictures.  Now if it’s moving, on fire or making noise, please post plenty of video.
  • If you have a desire to post pictures of Confederacy of Drones’ staff, we’ll need written permission, sample copies of the photo, a copy of your drivers license, your mother’s maiden name, and the make and model of your first car.
  • Arguing on social media is fine, in fact we encourage it.  Name calling, cussing, and typing in all caps, though, just wastes our time.  Remember, our generation goes outside occasionally and won’t spend their life on-line.  See “How do you like them apples.”
  • We don’t measure life in “likes” or the number of “friends.”  Speaking of friends,  we don’t think you know what that word really means.
Keep in mind that BB’s invented the computer and the internet.  You’re welcome.

From the campaign trail to the Appalachian Trail

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Sanford lr

Mark Sanford, the ex-South Carolina governor is now headed to being the ex-congressman after losing his bid for re-election in the SC Republican primary.  What’s amazing to us is that his unceremonious fall from the governorship could land him in any political post; and here we’re assuming that there really aren’t elections for dog catcher.

His downfall began when he claimed to be “hiking the Appalachian Trail” following his  disappearance in the summer of 2009.  He was actually in Argentina with his “soul mate.”  What’s interesting is that this occurred exactly nine years ago.  That anniversary is easy to remember since, while Sanford was busy getting busy behind the back of his wife and children, he was doing it on Father’s Day.

So now in South Carolina lore when someone says their “hiking the Appalachian Trail”, it’s proceeded by a wink and a nudge.  Perhaps “sex” should now be a euphemism for actually hiking the Appalachian Trail.  Imagine the marketing potential.

G7 faces and the stories behind them

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gerfurzt

Translation:  Who farted.

If you relied entirely on the still photos captured during the G7 summit you might think that all participants were either disgusted with one particular participant or the cabbage and baked beans were a little too potent for leadership digestive systems.  Take for example the viral photo below of Trump and other yanks in what appears to be a contentious discussion.  Perhaps Trump asked Angela if she and Hillary shopped at the same plus-size pant suit store.

merkel-trump-g7-german-government-handout-6-9-18

Reality just might be something different.  Here’s another photo taken about the same time.

unnamed

We suspect that the picture’s a little blurry due to the camera immediately being pulled from the cameraman before the shutter was completely closed.  The nerve, didn’t he realize a happy, congenial G7 photo was verboten.

In reality we think this blurry one was taken first, immediately followed by a wafting fragrance of methane, cabbage and overcooked broccoli as it overtakes the group, even requiring John Bolton to begin breathing through his mouth.  All looked stunned except one person.  We believe the culprit who dealt it is obvious due to the sly grin as he establishes an “air” of dominance.

merkel-trump-g7-german-government-handout-6-9-18

We love a parade

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Parade lr rev

DC certainly loves parades.  They have them for the

  • Chinese New Year
  • cherry blossoms
  • Rolling Thunder,
  • Pride
  • Independence Day
  • Congressional Vacation parade (held quarterly)
  • Dignitary-Drive-Through-Town-Blocking-Streets parade (daily)
  • Disappointment-In-DC-Sports parade (cancelled this year :0)

But recently they’ve upped their game.  The Disconnected-Politician Parade has been turned into an event that previously only occurred daily in the halls of the Rayburn, Longworth, Dirksen and other federal buildings occupied by our Congressmen and women.  This year it’s on non-stop full display complete with the chutzpah to expect their adoring citizens to believe the hooey being emitted by our public “servants.”  And also smells a little like swamp gas.

Consider this foolishness:

  • Tax breaks are crumbs
  • People secretly placed as human sources to gather information in Presidential campaigns are not spies
  • The President can pardon himself
  • Positive economic indicators are not positive economic indicators
  • Contact with Russian sources by one party is called treason but when it’s done, and paid for, by another party its call opposition research
  • Identifying death as an outcome of the government shutdown… and then voting for a government shutdown (Diane Feinstein)
  • Encouraging resistance in the name of tolerance.  Remember “If I were in high school, I’d take Trump behind the gym and beat the hell out of him.”  (Joe Biden)
  • Turning a special council investigation into a self-licking ice cream cone.

Down is up and up is down.