Confederacy of Drones

Could the moderators at least be moderate lefties?

Posted on August 2, 2019 Updated on August 2, 2019

At Confederacy of Drones we’re a little concerned over the health of the Democrat debate moderators as evidenced by night #2 of debate #2 with questions #4, 9, 12, 14, 15, 16,… and then pretty much the rest.  Those questions showed distinct symptoms of Trump Derangement Syndrome.  We imagine the moderators sweating the night before to come up with questions so the debate focus is on Trump.  This will also help avoid the democrat candidates turning into Lord-of-the-Flies-like feral children on stage.

To provide the moderators with some relief we’ve come up with questions that should adequately suit their needs while appealing to both people watching the next debate.

• Are you for or against a tsunami even if not caused by Trump?
• How much time do we have in (years or months) before we all drown or get eaten by lions because of global warming?
• Since from a distance Washington Nationals baseball caps look similar to MAGA caps, would you ignore beatings Nat’s fans receive even if they don’t support Trump?
• To pay for all of the freebies you’ve promised, how will you convince China to buy unicorn horns from the U.S.?
• If you had to choose whether to douse the flames of only one, and both Trump and the body of Charles Manson were on fire, which one would you choose?
• If you would douse Trump, would you use regular unleaded or premium?
• Would you make an attempt to appeal to Trump supporters since they’re racist, or just stick with calling them deplorable?
• Is white privilege gauged on how pale you are, or what?  Put your hand down Cory.  That was a rhetorical question.
• Which is caused by global warming?  Hot temperature, cold temperature, room temperature or humidity? [Note: this is a trick question, since the obvious answer is all of them.]
• How will you encourage flatulence collection research to meet the requirements of the Green New Deal’s fart ban?
• Raise your hand if you have ever said “f#&k Trump.”
• Raise your hand if you have said that tonight.
• Raise your hand if you are willing to say it now.

These have already been forwarded to Donna Brazile so she can distribute to select candidates.